Yesterday, Amanda left a comment on my post about Bailiff making a sizable…er…deposit on the bedroom carpet at 3am yesterday. She mentioned that pit bull diarrhea is perhaps the most noxious substance known to mankind…and then it hit me. What if we could weaponize pit bull diarrhea? Just think of the possibilities. If we were able to somehow shepherd good ol’ American ingenuity and find a way to harness the awesome potential lethality of pit bull diarrhea, what else might we be able to do it with? After giving the matter considerable thought, I managed to come up with an authoritative, though certainly not complete, list of things I’d like to see weaponized. See what you think about these possibilities:
- Carlos Mencia
- Intelligent Design
- Kansas
- James Dobson
- Fred Phelps
- Yugos
- hair balls
- Altoids
- The Daily Show
- images of Jesus Christ on pizza pans
- Homer Simpson
- eBay
- Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton
- personal hygiene products
- Alberto Gonzales
- Spam
- talking bears in toilet paper commercials
- Red Bull
- George Stephanopoulos
- White Castle hamburgers
- Preparation H
- American Idol
- Dallas
- Social Conservatives
- Bill O’Reilly
- Metamucil
- Shiner Bock
- Rick Perry
- Lubbock
- Andrew Dice Clay
- Fox News Channel
- Cialis
- Girls Gone Wild
- YouTube
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. ‘Course, I recognize that I don’t have a monopoly on this sort of unfettered brilliance. If you have an idea of something that you think could and/or should be effectively weaponized, feel free to leave your ideas in the comments.
I feel a Nobel Prize coming my way…. :0)
