Modern Man Eater: The Human Body Contains Unimaginable Power! (thanks to Jonathan Teller!)
The Question is: When you Die, Do you want your Life Force to Vanish or Pass on to your Children and their Children? The Ancients knew. Warriors regularly fed themselves upon the Organs of defeated enemies to steal their Strength and Energy. In Pre-History, Families consumed their freshly Dead Ancestors so that their Wisdom and Essence is Preserved and Carried On within the Family. Modern Man-Eater provides the Modern Equivalent using current Technology. Your or your Loved one’s body will be separated into its Discreet Components then Dried, Distilled, and Processed into Vitamins, Minerals, and Food Additives that can Strengthen your entire Family for years to come! Sanitary and Food-Grade Quality. Not only Good for your Body but truly feeds your Soul.
Yes, if you’ve seen Soylent Green, you know that one view of the future holds that there’s an almost inexhaustible source of protein. Not only that, you’ll save a TON of money on burial or cremation costs. No longer will you have to bury Grandma or Grandpa or keep their ashes in an urn on the fireplace mantle. Now you can celebrate their lives by making them tonight’s entree. It’s cheaper than prime rib, and it’s easier than spending your weekends tromping through the woods hunting for a deer while you pray that you don’t shoot anyone.
Yes, what could be simpler and easier than in honoring your loved ones on their passing by broiling them with a light cream sauce? Or slow-roasting them over an open flame and serving with some foie-gras and a good Cabernet (or perhaps some fava beans and a nice Chianti)?
I know; you’re wondering how it all works. Yes, it’s not at all like skinning and gutting a deer…and that’s where the folks at Modern Man Eater come in. With their skills and expertise, they can have Uncle Ernie dressed out and ready to grace your dinner table within the matter of a few short hours. And, yes, they can provide you with testimonials from thousands of satisfied customers:
“Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew I had a small gift. But, Halleluyah!, After we feasted on GrandMama’s powdered, dried, protein conveniently mixed into a and tasty stew, I have inherited all her supernatural gifts and powers. I’ve gone from Acolyte to Priestess almost overnight!. Thank you Modern Man-Eater! Our family legacy is saved!” -Laetitia Laveau, New Orleans, LA
“Our family traditions from many centuries had recently been abandoned due to changes in our legal system. Now we can return to the ways of our ancestors and not run afoul of the authorities. Thanks to MME.” -Umpepa Mi Mau, Paupua New Guinea
“I’ve been bodybuilding since the seventies and, trust me, I’d put anything in my body to blast my quads. But I still couldn’t add mass to my calfs. Since I’ve had the protein shakes from MME, I’ve been totally gunning my lats like never before, just gunning them!” -M. V. Houten, Springfield
You, too, can become one of Modern Man Eater’s satisfied customers. If you call within the next 24 hours, they’ll even give you a one-time-only introductory discount. Call now…and let MME help you towards greater health and lower burial costs. You’ll be glad you did. And tell them Jack sent you!
