April 9, 2007 6:33 AM

Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

Nurse reportedly confesses in deadly mid-rise blaze

A 34-year old licensed vocational nurse has been charged with three counts of felony murder and one count of first degree arson in connection with the March 28 fire in a North Loop office building that killed three people and injured six others. Misty Ann Weaver, an employee of cosmetic surgeon Dr. Robert Capriotti, “has confessed” to starting the four-alarm fire at 9343 North Loop East, according to officials with the Houston Fire Department and U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. HFD Chief Arson Investigator Roy Paul said Weaver wanted to cover up the fact that she had failed to complete paperwork for an important audit for Dr. Capriotti. The audit had to do with the doctor’s state accredication or recertification, Paul said. The office was on the fifth floor of the six-story, atrium-style building.

DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener #564: Misty Ann Weaver

Now here’s something to ponder as you’re sitting there with your underwear around your ankles, wondering where the Hell the toilet paper is (I only wish I could take credit for it):

You’re late with the paperwork for an audit. Do you A) Ask for more time? B) Miss the deadline and get fired? Or C) Set a fire that kills three?

Well, given that a DUMB@$$ AWARD is being handed out here, it shouldn’t take a Ph.D. to determine the answer to that burning question, eh?

I know that there have been times in my often-checkered professional life when I’ve screwed the pooch (colloquially speaking, of course) and have had to realize that the time would come when I’d have to face the music and fess up to my (&^%-up. I would imagine that something similar has had happened to a lot of folks. I’d be willing to hazard a guess, though, that at NO time did any of us think “Hey, I’ll start a small fire. The resulting distraction will certainly shift the focus from my (&^%-up to my heroism in saving the office staff from almost certain immolation.” The sad thing about this tragedy is that, by all indications, Misty Ann Weaver was a star employee in no danger of losing her job over missing a routine audit deadline.

Don’t try this at home, kids. Misty Ann WEAVER’s a professional DUMB@$$…and now she’s also an arsonist and a murderer….

Senior Arson Investigator James Snowden said that Weaver “did admit that she was remorseful for the injuries and the fatalities.”

Oops…my bad….

I’m sure that’s going to make the families of those killed and injured feel MUCH better, don’tchathink??

Weaver was in charge of the audit, which was due on March 29, “and for one reason or another, she failed to get that audit together in a timely manner, and she was fearful of being discharged by the doctor,” Snowden said.

“She thought by starting a small fire it would postpone the audit,” Snowden said.

While this might be an effective way to get to go home early, Weaver clearly forgot to take into account the Law of Unintended Consequences. Then again, she’s going to have plenty of time behind bars to trying and figure out where her clever plan went wrong.

He’s a suggestion, one that all DUMB@$$E$ could benefit from, and one that comes from one of my favorite comedians, Ron White:

THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A THOUGHT…LET IT GO!!!

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on April 9, 2007 6:33 AM.

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