Crazy Woman Vows To Return To Congress
Shelley Sekula-Gibbs was maybe, just maybe, the greatest member of the 109th Congress. Elected to serve the remainder of Tom DeLay’s term, she spent her couple weeks in Washington alienating all of Tom’s staff, promising to reform the entire tax code, speaking on the floor of the House countless times to an empty chamber, and opening an investigation into her staff after they all quit. Perhaps most movingly, we remember the love she had for her district, and the love they showed her back; one of the votes that helped Shelley to her all-too-brief victory, remember was a write-in for “DraculaCunt,” which remains the greatest name in politics since Buddy Cianci’s daughter Nancy Ann.
Well, regardless of what side of the political fence you happen to come down on, you have to admit that the wacky factor here in CD22 is about to go THROUGH DA Roof. As if she didn’t embarrass herself (and those of us unfortunate enough to be her constitutents) during her 15 minutes in Congress, Dracula Cu…er, Shelly Sekula-Gibbs, a DUMB@$$ if ever there was one, is back. How bad is this clueless drone? Well, Republicans in CD22 would frankly rather run Barry Goldwater for Nick Lampson’s seat, and he’s been dead for about 90 years.
Those of us here in CD22 who are not part of the knuckle-dragging, far-Right, “what-would-Jesus-do?” majority are hoping and praying that Sekula-Gibbs will be the Republican nominee next year. Yes, there’s the obvious reality that Democrat Nick Lampson will make her look like the mental midget she apparently is (and Sekula-Gibbs is a doctor??). More than that, though, we’ll be playing drinking games trying to decide what she’ll do or say next to torpedo her chances of getting elected.
The sad thing is that Republicans in CD22 just might vote for Sekula-Gibbs. Then again, these knee-jerk Republicans would vote for a ham sandwich if it claim to be a born-again Christian and an America-first, last, and only Conservative. These are the same people, after all, who kept returning Tom DeLay to Congress for 22 years, so you know they’re not a terribly demanding or discerning lot.
Stay tuned, y’all. If Sekula-Gibbs is the Republican nominee in CD22 next year, this could easily the most entertaining Congressional race in the country. I can hardly wait.
