Jesus Christ’s Superstars: America’s holiest congressmen
What would Jesus do if elected to Congress? Would He suggest bombing Mecca in response to another terrorist attack on American soil? Would He be active in efforts to “rehabilitate” people who “suffer from ‘same-sex attractions’”? Build a “prayer wall” around the United States? Propose solving the Iraq problem by exporting Christianity? Would He decry Newt Gingrich for being too liberal? According to disciples who have been elected to Congress, the answer is “Amen, Jesus would do all these things.”….While there are hints that Christianity is becoming less of an imperative for obtaining public office these days‚Äö√Ñ√Ælast November’s election brought two Buddhists, a Muslim, and more Jews to Congress than ever before‚Äö√Ñ√ÆJesus still has a considerable posse on the Hill.
God’s Own Party may not be the majority party in Congress at the moment, but you can bet that God is not underrepresented on Capitol Hill. In fact, there are always those who will see their Congressional seat as their invitation to do God’s will (at least as their own self-interest defines it). The desire to “do God’s will” can lead to some seriously unbalanced wackiness (Robin Hayes) and some truly frightening wackiness (Sam Brownback). In between, there’s the self-righteous (Mike McIntyre), the clueless (Tom Coburn), the hopelessly and irredeemably intolerant (Marilyn Musgrave), the sucessful baby farmer (Michele Bachmann), and the just plain under-medicated (Tom Tancredo).
These folks have campaigned on the following “issues” (not an all-inclusive list, by the way):
- rampant lesbianism
- the war against Christmas
- pre-emptive strikes against Muslim nations
- gay marriage as the #1 threat to our “religious liberties”
- the benefits of being “hot for Jesus”
- the threat presented by Brown People to good, God-fearing White folks
The best part is that not every on the list is a Republican. Of the 11 Congressmen (and women) listed, three are Democrats. And missing on the list is one of my all-time favorite nutballs, Idaho Republican Helen Chenoweth. While one might read this and think God’s a Republican, that might be an over-simplification. While God clearly favors the Right, He’s also willing to welcome anyone of any persuasion willing to do His will…which, oddly enough, general involves some serious self-aggrandizement.
This would explain Tom DeLay, no??
I suppose this only goes to prove that God will always be well-represented on Capitol Hill. As long as there is an American Democracy, there will always be those convinced that doing God’s will means running for Congress and legislating this country back into the 1950s by creating a functional theocracy. And even if they don’t succeed in achieving that goal, they’ll always provide a comedy gold mine to people like me.
Party on….
