June 14, 2007 6:19 AM

Another DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener

$54 Million Pants Suit Begins: A Local Man Who Says the Dry Cleaners Lost His Pants Wants $54 Million Dollars in Damages

[I]n the nation’s capital, a local judge will go to civil court to claim that he is owed $54 million from a local dry cleaner who he says lost his pants. The case gained national attention soon after the lawsuit was filed. The pants are expected to be introduced into evidence, although the judge says the pants are not his, and the correct pants are still missing. The sartorial loss caused Washington, D.C., administrative law judge Roy Pearson to suffer what he calls severe “mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort.” The defendants, who own Custom Cleaners in the Fort Lincoln section of the district, told ABC News last month that they, too, are feeling inconvenience and discomfort. The trouble began over a $10 dry cleaning bill for a pair of prized pants, Pearson said. That figure ballooned to $67 million dollars, but in recently amended court filings, Pearson now said he is only seeking $54 million. Last week, his term on the bench reportedly expired. It’s unclear whether it will be renewed. The lawsuit is based in large part on Pearson’s contention that he was taken in by the “Satisfaction Guaranteed” sign hanging on the store’s wall. Pearson said at one point in court filings, that he planned to call 63 witnesses. Pearson is expected to testify in the civil trial..

DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener #602: Judge Roy Pearson

Wow…just when I’d begun to think that I’d become so overarchingly cynical that there was NO WAY a dumbass could leave me speechless…here comes Judge Roy Pearson. Here’s a (miserable excuse for) a man who, as a member of the bar and the bench should understand the concept of “frivolous litigation”. No matter how I try to stretch my intellect and my sense or reason and proportion, there’s simply no way I can translate a dispute over a $10 dry-cleaning bill into a $54 million lawsuit.

(Memo to Judge DUMB@$$ Pearson: do the words “GET OVER YOURSELF” mean anything at all to you??)

Hide the women and children…here be a DUMB@$$ in his natural habitat.

Defending themselves against the suit — for two years running — are Korean immigrants Jin and Soo Chung and their son, who own Custom Cleaners and two other local dry cleaning shops.

Pearson said this is not the first pair of his pants Custom Cleaners has lost. In court papers Pearson said that he took a pair of pants into Custom Cleaners in 2002 and the pants were lost.

So the Chungs gave Pearson a $150 check for a new pair of pants. Three years later, Pearson said he returned to Custom Cleaners and, like some real-life “Groundhog Day” nightmare, another pair of trousers went missing. Again.

Gentleman…START YOUR LAWYERS!! Yes, if ever an injustice cried out to be made right, if ever vengeance was called for…well, no, this still wouldn’t be it. OK, I understand that Judge DUMB@$$ Pearson was starting his new job, and he wanted to look good on his first day. Who among us hasn’t experienced that? What I don’t understand is Pearson’s unnatural, I’m-willing-to-go-the-gates-of-Hell attitude when in defense of those pants.

Yes, a pair of pants went missing. Who among us haven’t had something go missing after it’s been dropped off at the dry cleaner? It happens. People make mistakes. Hell, I spend my day making mistakes. What if a plaintiff in one of Pearson’s cases was to discover that the judge had made an improper ruling…albeit a minor one? Would they then be justified in suing Judge DUMB@$$ Pearson for $54 million?

Jeebus…can we get a grip here? Yet another memo to Judge DUMB@$$ Pearson: You lost a (&^%$#@ pair of pants. No one threw up in your Lexus, peed in your swimming pool, or even bled on your 300-thread-count Ralph Lauren sheets. We’re talking about a $10 dry cleaning bill. Why would the $150 check and a heartfelt apology not be enough to soothe your massive, bloated sense of entitlement and your inflated, overactive ego? Or did you really need your 15 minutes of infamy that badly?

If you want a REAL crisis, something worthy of seeking damages over, how about spending a weekend in a village in Darfur? If nothing else, you might finally gain that much needed perspective that seems so sadly lacking right about now.

Let it go, already. You’ve already proved that you’re a world-class DUMB@$$. Shouldn’t that be enough??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on June 14, 2007 6:19 AM.

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