TITUSVILLE, Fla. — Florida state Rep. Robert “Bob” Allen, R-Merritt Island, was arrested Wednesday and charged with soliciting an undercover male officer for sex at a park in Central Florida, according to police. Investigators said Allen was acting suspicious and went in and out of the men’s restroom at Veteran’s Memorial Park, located on East Broad Street. Minutes later, authorities said, Allen solicited the male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20. Allen was then arrested.
Now this is just precious, isn’t it? Another Republican looking for love…and apparently willing to pay for the privilege…although what you’re going to get for $20 baffles me. That’s barely a bargain basement blowjob. Of course, Rep. Allen is claiming the whole thing was merely a “misunderstanding”…yeah, he was really conducting his own undercover sting targeting child sexual predators, right?? Right….
No, I’m not about to posit that this sort of thing is inimical to Republicans. It’s just that Republicans are the ones who tend to be so horribly self-righteous when it comes to sex. This makes seeing one of their own take a fall all the more entertaining. Look, Bob Allen can bugger goats for all I care. But if you’re going to be a member of a political party than expends so much effort in playing the morality card, you’re going to have to expect to be fair game when you decide to take a walk on the wild side. So, yes, I fully plan to have as much fun with Allen’s predicament as humanly possible, but he and his ilk are world-class hypocrites who’ve made their nut by playing to the “family values” crowd. Et tu, Jim Bakker?? Jimmy Swaggart? Mark Foley?….ad infinitum, ad nauseum….
In the overall scheme of things, there’s really nothing criminal about Allen’s behavior. Yes, it’s against the law, and so I suppose their will be a penalty to be paid. Allen will beg forgiveness, use his wife and child as a crutch, and perhaps even go to rehab. It will no doubt be revealed that there is some sort of underlying “problem” that led Allen to stray to the Dark Side: alcohol, drugs, gambling, or who knows what else? After an appropriate period of penance, Allen will be declared clean, forgiven, and free of whatever demon(s) happened to bedevil him at the time of his downfall. Then Allen will resume his self-righteous ways as if nothing happened- such is the way of the world…and Republican politics. After all is said and done, though, Allen will still be a DUMB@$$. I suppose this is the sort of thing that happens when self-righteous, holier-than-thou Republicans turn a basic human need into a morality issue in order to support their moralistic agenda. And this is why I will continue to be entertained by the moral transgressions of the “family values” crowd and their never-ending parade of DUMB@$$E$.