July 21, 2007 6:21 AM

Perhaps we should have checked the sheets a bit more closely

Top 10 Most “Ho-Friendly” DC Hotels, Based On The DC Madam’s Phone Records

If you want to have sex with a prostitute in Washington D.C., try the Marriott. We took the DC Madam’s phone records, (she allegedly ran a high-class prostitution ring. It was part of her operating procedure to call the client once to confirm the appointment) converted them to a text file with a OCR (optical character recognition) program, had a batch program run the numbers through a free online reverse number look up service (you enter a phone number and it gives you an address) sorted by call volume, then extracted all the hotel results.

Imagine my surprise when I checked the results and the hotel that She Who Endures My Myriad Eccentricities © and I stayed in during our recent trip to DC- the Holiday Inn Capitol- was #4 on the list. Frankly, I was rather surprised, because the place is a dump. For $250/night, you’d think that you’d get more than a room next to a Virginia Rail commuter track. And if you paying good money for a hooker, hearing a train rumbling by would hardly seem to be a mood-enhancer…if you know what I mean.

Hey, if I was going to be doing a hooker, I’d at least want a decent hotel…and frankly, the Holiday Inn- Capitol ain’t it. It’s like just about everything else in DC that isn’t a tourist attraction- horribly overpriced, ridiculously overrated, and as likely as not to underdeliver. The Holiday Inn-Capitol is one of the few hotels I’ve had to pay for IN FULL when I’ve made the reservation. Getting there is anticlimactic. They have your money, they know that you know that they have your money…and they frankly don’t give a (&^%. $250 a night for surly service, crappy rooms, and no complementary parking space (yeah, you can park, but it’ll cost you $25/day)? Yeah, it’s a hooker’s dream, all right.

Then again, you’re getting screwed either way….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on July 21, 2007 6:21 AM.

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