August 13, 2007 6:47 AM

A memo from The Department of WAY Too Much Information

In ‘08 race, a little leg may go a long way: Sex, they say, sells. Aspiring presidential couples are bringing that notion to the fore (spontaneously or not). Do you approve? Vote here.

In March, an aspiring Republican presidential couple ‚Äö√Ñ√Æ Rudolph W. and Judith Nathan Giuliani ‚Äö√Ñ√Æ appeared in a fashion layout in Harper’s Bazaar that accompanied an interview with Mrs. Giuliani. The most striking thing about the feature, a coming-out of sorts for Judith Giuliani, was their pose. Sitting on the arm of her husband’s chair, eyes closed, she tipped her head down, caressed his face and planted a kiss that looked like a precursor to something steamier…. “Rudy’s a very, very romantic guy,” Judith Giuliani told the magazine. “We love watching ‘Sleepless in Seattle.’ Can you imagine my big testosteronefactor husband doing that?”…. A couple of months later, after seeing a photograph of presumed presidential hopeful Fred Thompson’s much younger wife, Jeri Kehn Thompson, in a low-cut gown that would be modest on a Hollywood red carpet but could be shocking at a Washington social event, MSNBC talk show host Joe Scarborough quipped, “Do you think ‚Äö√Ñ√Æ think she works the pole?” (He had been discussing women who use stripper poles in their exercise routines.)

OK, let me just state for the record that I could care less what a bunch of overfed, out of shape, middle-aged White guys are doing behind closed doors. If they’re gettin’ their schwerve on…well, more power to them- but how in the world is that relevant to their ability to hold the most powerful office in the world? Just because some aging Lothario is hopped up on Viagra or Levitra…well, that hardly says anything about anything other than they’re a heart attack and a 4-hour erection looking for a place to happen- death by blonde, as it were.

I have nothing against expressions of human sexuality. After all, sex is fun if done right…and sometimes even if it’s not. But do we really need to be slapped in the face with it during a Presidential campaign? Do we really a candidate’s wife, girlfriend, or main squeeze giving the American sheeple the equivalent of a wink and a nudge? Do we REALLY need John McCain’s wife tarting herself up for an interview as if she was the doyenne of the Chicken Ranch?? I don’t care if a Presidential candidate buggers goats behind closed doors while his wife wears latex and cavorts on plastic sheets coated with layers of whipped cream. What’s next? A line item for cases of Astroglide on campaign spending reports? Enough already….

I’m not being prudish, but there are just some things I really don’t want to know about…BECAUSE THEY’RE NOBODY’S DAMN BUSINESS. I want to know how a candidate proposes to bring our troops home, what they plan on doing about health care, how they’re going to make education, perhaps even about how they going to care for the environment. If they plan on banging the entire USC women’s gymnastics team in the Oval Office while being filmed by MTV…hey, knock yourselves out. I just don’t want to know about it.

Now, can we PLEASE get back to talking about things that actually matter??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 13, 2007 6:47 AM.

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