Police said 58-year-old Tommy Tester of Bristol, Va., was wearing a skirt when he was arrested last week after allegedly relieving himself in front of children at a car wash. A report also accuses Tester of offering police officers oral sex and says an open bottle of vodka and empty oxycodone prescription bottle was found in his car when Tester was arrested Friday. Authorities identified Tester as the minister of Gospel Baptist Church in Bristol and an employee of Christian radio station WZAP-AM, also in Bristol. WZAP issued a statement asking for prayers and saying Tester has been suspended during an investigation.
So what would Jesus do? Would He offer to blow a cop while hopped up on “Hillbilly Heroin” and vodka? Would He hang out at a car wash while looking for…ah, who know what? Children? Farm animals? Inflatable pool toys? Is this what good, God-fearing Christians do? Of course not. It does, however, seem to be what sexually-deviant, drug-and-alcohol abusing, intolerant Christian zealots do.
Man…talk about having your cake and eating it, too, eh??
The only thing that would make this story even more enjoyable would be the revelation that Tester holds a high position in the Viriginia campaign organization of Rudy Giiuliani. Apparently, the Giuliani campaign is refusing to confirm or deny rumors that they’ve cornered the market on drug-and-alcohol-addicted Christian zealots prone to thinking with the wrong head.
So, how’s them there “famlee valyews” working out for you??