Holidays In Hell: The Five Easy Steps To Civil Holiday Conversation (Even If You’re In A Red State!)
Happy Holidays, guys! What are you doing right now? Avoiding your family? Why, are they all too eager to spar with you on IMMIGRATION REFORM? Or is it that school district in Maine passing out birth control pills to eleven-year-olds — when they’re not even allowed to bring their own aspirin! — they’re dying to discuss? What about the improvements in Iraq the liberal media refuses to acknowledge? Does every supper feel like it should be the last??
In spite of all of the turmoil in my life of late, I do recognize that I have a lot to be thankful for. If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be alone on Thanksgiving in Portland, OR, I probably would have laughed and bought you another beer. And yet here I am…what a long strange trip it’s been. As I try to sort through the emotional wreckage that is my life these days, I at least have enough of a grip on reality to understand the blessings I enjoy on a day to day basis.
I may not be enamored of my job at the moment, but it does keep a roof over my head and food on my plate. Like any job, this one is not permanent, and I can change my situation if and when an opportunity to do so presents itself. Changes can always be made if the time and place feel right. Financially, I’m comfortable enough to know where my next meal’s coming from. Having at times in my life experienced the other side of that equation, I recognize how fortunate I am. It’s easier for me to appreciate what I have now because there have been times in my life when I could have easily given up and gone under.
I won’t be sharing Thanksgiving with anyone this year, but that’s OK. I recognize that I’ve put myself in this position through the choices I’ve made. Though this isn’t the time or place to go into detail, I am where I am because I chose to put myself there. Regrets? Who knows? I’m a little too close to things to have anything resembling perspective at the moment. Let’s just say that it’s truly amazing what a bout of temporary insanity can do to rock your world.
I’m thankful I’m not travelling. If federal investigators can sneak bomb parts part screeners at 19 American airports, I’ll take my chance with drunk and/or tryptophan-sedated drivers on the highways. The sum total of today’s travel will involve a five-mile trip to the gym and back. It’s the first year in several that I haven’t had to drive to East Bumfuck, TX, for a family Thanksgiving. I will not be missing that drive this year.
Thanksgiving is the best holiday. Probably because it’s all about food and the only religion involved is football…. What I’m most thankful for is George Bush having included me for the last six years in his “No Comic Left Behind” program. And the 22nd Amendment for Constitutionally keeping Americans from making the same mistake more than twice.
I’m truly thankful for those of you who keep coming back to TPRS. While my little obsession may never be more than a dark, dank corner on the outskirts of da Interweb, it’s my dark, dank little corner- and it’s as much therapy as anything else. I’m grateful for the support, the encouragement, and the fact that y’all haven’t yet seemed to figure out that I really have little of any value to add to the public discourse.
For $20/month and the time I invest in my writing, I get some self-induced therapy and I also get to indulge my passion for writing. I may be able to turn a phrase now and again, and though I may never make any money, I don’t want to waste this gift…and so I continue to write. I suppose I’ll stop when I no longer have anything to so, but I can’t imagine that will be anytime soon. Thanks for sharing the ride with me!
I hope that y’all will have a happy, safe, and enjoyable Thanksgiving and a prosperous holiday season.
Oh, by the way, if anyone is trying to figure out what to get me for Christmas, there are really only three things I want: a new iPod, a MacBook Pro, and/or seeing George W. Bush in the well of the Senate defending himself during impeachment proceedings. (Yeah, which one of these things is priceless??)
