November 6, 2007 5:14 AM

Jack Cluth: Who (&^%$#@ cares?

Christina Aguilera: I’m pregnant

OK, so I know this is a rhetorical question, but really, who (&^%$#@ cares whether or not some spoiled, pampered, overhyped celebrity is pregnant? What difference does that fact make in the overall scheme of things? Uh…none. So why then do so many get such vicarious thrills out of news such as this?

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I’m unhappy about Aguilera’s pregnancy; I’m just supremely indifferent. I hope she has a healthy 15-lb baby boy who grows up to be an NFL lineman…or a neuroscientist…or a cashier at WalMart. Whatever. Really, though, I couldn’t possibly care less about this sort of news, and it pisses me off to no end that this sort of meaningless crap is actually passed off as legitimate news. Murders and rapes are being committed, bridges are collapsing, and American soldiers are being used for target practice by IED-makers in Iraq…and what news do we get? Yeah, that’s right; Christina Aguilera got knocked up. Great…at least we know she’s not a virgin, eh?

Call me when an alien emerges from her abdomen. Now THAT would be newsworthy….

Now, if you’ll kindly excuse me…I have to go get my panties in a wad because supermodel Gisele Bundchen has announced that she’s no longer accepting payment for her services in US dollars. I figure there are two question begging for an answer here: first, what in the Hell is a supermodel? Does Bundchen leap tall buildings in a single bound? Second, why should any reasonable person care if she decides to accept payment only in rabbit pellets?

Jeebus, people…get a grip, willya??

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on November 6, 2007 5:14 AM.

No, I'm not scared of heights. Really. Why do you ask?? was the previous entry in this blog.

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