Mom says what teens did at school dance was “dadgum nasty”
Freaked Out: Teens’ Dance Moves Split a Texas Town
ARGYLE, Texas — Karen Miller, 53 years old, saw her first “freak dance” four years ago when she was chaperoning a high-school dance attended by her freshman daughter. One boy was up close to a girl’s back, bumping and grinding to the pounding beat of the music…. “I thought, ‘That’s just dadgum nasty,’” Ms. Miller recalls. “It really had me sick to my stomach.”…. Ms. Miller took the initiative and broke it up. School employees at the dance seemed oblivious, she says. They’re oblivious no longer. A new resolve by school officials in this booming Dallas suburb to crack down on sexually suggestive dancing — and skimpy clothing — has sparked a rancorous debate over what boundaries should be set for teenagers’ self-expression. Argyle joins a long list of other schools around the country that have banned the hip-hop inspired dancing known as “grinding” or “freak dancing.”
It would be far too easy to ridicule the adults in this scenario, but while I’m not fan of dress codes and restrictive behavioral codes, I can’t say that I’m OK with high school kids engaging in openly suggestive, highly sexualized dance moves at a school dance.
I suppose you can’t fault the kids; they’re simply imitating what the see on MTV, Fuse, and other video channels, where sex is about as in-your-face as it can be without kids actually being caught in flagrante delicto. What I truly cannot understand, though, is how any responsible parent could possibly find this sort of dancing acceptable. No, I’m not a prude, but how do you teach your children that there’s a time and a place where sex is a beautiful and appropriate thing while green-lighting such overtly sexualized dancing? How can any responsible parent possibly be OK with this? Personally, as a parent, I wouldn’t particularly care what my children thought. My job as a parent is to set and enforce certain standards of behavior…and there’s NO WAY that I’d allow my 16-year-old daughter (if I had one) to engage in this sort of boundary-less behavior. It’s not about being a prude. It’s about teaching children where to draw the line when it comes to sex. High school kids as a rule simply do not possess the emotional maturity to make intelligent, sensible decisions when it comes to sex. That may not be a popular view (especially among children), but it is the cold, hard truth.
But in Argyle, a once-sleepy farming community strained by explosive growth from an influx of well-to-do suburbanites, the controversy has gotten vicious. Some parents blame the newly installed school superintendent, Jason Ceyanes, 35, for ruining their children’s October homecoming dance by enforcing a strict dress code and making provocative dancing off-limits. Disgusted, a lot of kids left, and the dance ended early.
Mr. Ceyanes says he fears current cleavage-baring dress styles combined with sexually charged dancing could lead to an unsafe environment for students.
“This is not just shaking your booty,” he said. “This is pelvis-to-pelvis physical contact in the private areas…and then moving around.”
To make his point, Mr. Ceyanes held a community meeting and played a video pulled from YouTube demonstrating freak dancing. “I cannot imagine that there is a father in this room who could watch this video and be all right with a young man dancing with his daughter in that fashion,” he told the gathering.
Mr. Ceyanes may look like the bad guy here, and while this story is certainly beginning to resembling a script for “Footloose 2”, I think someone needs to draw a line in the sand. While it may not be a popular thing, the job of parents and school administrators is to both set and enforce limits. It’s not about being a prude, or about limiting the ability of children to have fun. It’s about recognizing that an “anything goes” atmosphere of sexual permissiveness hardly serves our children well.
Part of raising a child into a functional, well-adjusted adult is setting limits AND ENFORCING THEM. Children, though they need to learn to accept and understand their sexuality, don’t need to be overtly expressing it at a high school dance. There’s absolutely no reason why 16- and 17-year-old children need to be grinding pelvises. Again, it’s not about being a prude. It’s about setting limits and teaching children about the meaning and significance of sex. It’s about teaching them about boundaries and respect. It’s about recognizing that sex is a very powerful thing.
My feelings about this situation has nothing to do with my sensibilities being violated or with me being offended. Sex doesn’t offend me; in fact, I rather enjoy it. I don’t even mind porn. Some might even describe me as something of a libertine. I just don’t think that a high school dance is the time or the place where teenage libidos should be given free, unbridled reign.
In the end, this would seem to be a case of doing the right thing, even if there are a number of unreconstructed prudes jumping on the bandwagon. Parents need to take responsibility for the behavior of their children. In this case, it appears some actually are.
