December 30, 2007 6:03 AM

Linda Blair could not be reached for comment

Pope’s exorcist squads will wage war on Satan

The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the rise of Satanism. Vatican chiefs are concerned at what they see as an increased interest in the occult. They have introduced courses for priests to combat what they call the most extreme form of “Godlessness.” Each bishop is to be told to have in his diocese a number of priests trained to fight demonic possession. The initiative was revealed by 82-year-old Father Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican “exorcistinchief,” to the online Catholic news service Petrus…. “Thanks be to God, we have a Pope who has decided to fight the Devil head-on,” he said…. “Too many bishops are not taking this seriously and are not delegating their priests in the fight against the Devil. You have to hunt high and low for a properly trained exorcist.

Yeah, I’ve been noticing that it’s really difficult to find a good exorcist on short notice these days. More often than not, you’re left to fight the awesome power of the Dark Lord all by yourself…and I’ve gotta tell you that, as a layman, it’s tough to fight Evil when all you really want is a beer out of your refrigerator at halftime.

OK, everyone…repeat after me: W? T? F???? This whole saga would be really rather humorous if these DUMB@$$E$ weren’t so deadly serious. Sure, they could be feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, and/or educating the ignorant…but it’s WAY more fun to pretend that EVERY day is Halloween.

Of course, if your bed levitates and spins at night, or if you wake up in the middle of the night speaking in tongues and spewing projectile vomit in all directions, an exorcist might be just what you need. Thankfully, I’ve never had any problems with demonic possession, nor has anyone I know. I’d tend to think, then, that this might be just another episode of the Vatican trying to scare their flock back into line. After all, if you can be convinced to fear something that you can’t see and only a priest can fight, aren’t you going to look to the Church for rescue? Udamnbetcha you will….

Oh, and you had to know that this was coming, eh? Wait for it….

The Vatican is particularly concerned that young people are being exposed to the influence of Satanic sects through rock music and the Internet.

If Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Church in Pleasantville is rockin’, don’t you be knockin’….

In theory, under the Catholic Church’s Canon Law 1172, all priests can perform exorcisms. But in reality only a select few are assigned the task.

Under the law, practitioners must have “piety, knowledge, prudence, and integrity of life.”

And it doesn’t hurt that they’ve pledged their lives to the renouncement of a basic human need and sworn complete fealty to a corrupt ideological and morally bankrupt doctrine which serves only to keep the Vatican in gold and most of the Catholic world in abject poverty. Same as it ever was.

What Would Jesus DO? Yeah, that’s right; He’d be kicking @$$ and taking names….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 30, 2007 6:03 AM.

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