Huckabee Chooses Jesus as Running Mate
In a bold move that could dramatically alter the playing field of the 2008 G.O.P. presidential race, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today named Jesus Christ as his vice presidential running mate. Governor Huckabee has made an increasing number of comments about his relationship with Jesus in recent debates, but few Republican insiders expected him to announce that he was anointing Christ as his vice presidential pick…. “This could be huge for Huckabee,” said Stenson Partridge, a veteran G.O.P. consultant. “Among Republican voters, Jesus Christ is even more popular than Ronald Reagan.”…. The Reverend Pat Robertson, a supporter of former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, said he was “blindsided” by the news of Huckabee’s decision: “I talked to Jesus last night and He didn’t mention anything about it.”…. At a raucous Huckabee rally in Davenport, Iowa today, supporters of the former Arkansas governor could be seen holding signs reading “HUCKABEE/CHRIST ‘08.”
Well, I suppose there’s more than one way to win in Iowa, eh? Some might call this pandering to the Religious Right…and those who feel that way would certainly be correct in their assessment. Then again, when your competition is Captain 9.11 Rudy Giuliani and The Man With The Magic Underpants Mitt Romney, and you don’t have a national tragedy to milk, you pull what strings you can, right? And here I’d been thinking that the Prince of Peace probably had enough on His plate these days without trying to prop up a former DUMB@$$ AWARD wiener as he tries to pander, fear-monger, and propagandize his way into the Oval Office.
What Would Jesus Do? Apparently he’d come up with a stump speech and hit the campaign trail. Huckabee’s campaign is on the ascent, so the Son of God will be counted on to strike while the iron is hot.
Here’s my question, though: given the shocking news that Jesus Christ is a Republican, will fill a role similar to current VP Dick Cheney? Will He be the true power behind the throne? Will He be the Huckabee Administration’s designated attack dog, a politician with no designs on the Presidency who will do the political dirty work and the ideological heavy lifting required to keep the GOP in line? I’d think Jerry Falwell would be perfect for that job, but there’s just one problem. He’s still dead.
Yes, it’ll be all fun and games until it’s discovered that “suffer the children to come unto me” takes on a whole different meaning in a Huckabee Administration. Let’s just hope that Our Lord and Savior is savvy enough to stay out of airport men’s rooms….