One faces the future with one’s past.
- Pearl S. Buck
It’s a new year (whoop-dee-frickin’-doo, right?), and while I’ve never been one to make resolutions simply because I have to buy a new calendar, there is something healthy about taking stock. New Years Day is as good a time as any for some honest reflection and self-examination. Here goes….
I’ve written intermittently over the years about my ongoing (and likely never-ending) battle with depression. 2007 was a miserable year for me in that respect, in that I was so far gone before I even recognized what was happening. My depression has resulted in me blowing up my personal life and moving halfway across the country to Portland, OR. I’ll spare the gentle reader the details, but suffice it to say that Job One in 2008 is to get my $#!% together. I’m seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist, and I’m in the process of getting my medication adjusted to better address my situation. I’m hoping that this process will lead me to a place where I’ll be better able to identify my needs, meet them, and generally do a better job of tending to my emotional health. I’ve already accepted that I likely will be on antidepressants for the rest of my life, but if that’s what I need to do in order to keep myself on an even keel, so be it.
I don’t know what the future holds. I do know that I have a lot of fence-mending to do. My actions over the past few months have caused a good deal of pain to people I care deeply about, including a woman I still love and promised to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, I’ve put us in a very difficult position, and I have to live with the reality that I’m largely responsible for the predicament we find ourselves in. I could have chosen something short of the “nuclear option”, but I didn’t. Chalk it up to temporary insanity, the depths of depression, or whatever you might choose to call it, but the results are still the same. Yeah, I’ve made a mess of things.
As For TPRS, change is a-comin’ as well. It’s been brought to my attention that the overall tenor of my writing has become much more strident, inflexible and contentious. Part of that I can blame on my depression and the accompanying emotional problems. The reality, though, is that I’ve become in many respects a mirror image of the stridency and intolerance that I profess to detest. The depths of my convictions haven’t changed, but I’m feeling the need to be more magnanimous and more tolerant of those unenlightened souls not fortunate enough to think as I do. I know that I don’t have all the answers. Like anyone else, I have my blind spots. While the targets of my rants will likely remain unchanged, I’m going to make every effort to be more tolerant and kinder in my writing (One noticeable exception will be Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © , whom I will continue to despise with every fiber of my being. Yeah, I know; every rule deserves an exception, right?)
The first noticeable change is that I will be putting the DUMB@$$ AWARD on hiatus. This sabbatical may become permanent, or the DUMB@$$ AWARD may eventually return in a slightly altered and less flammable and dogmatic format. After 715 DUMB@$$E$, it’s time for something different, though I must confess to having no idea what “different” means or even if this is something I want to continue.
Part of the reason for retiring the DUMB@$$ AWARD (whether temporarily or permanently) is that I want TPRS to assume a more positive tone. I’m not certain exactly what “more positive” means at this point, because I really am making it up as I go. If any of y’all have suggestions or things that you’d like to see more of, I’m open to suggestions. Yes, really. I am.
I don’t want TPRS to devolve into the sort of whinefest that so many Right-wing sites seem to have devolved into. I still believe that America can and should be a better place. We can and should do a better job of taking care of one another. We can and should be an example to the rest of the world. We in this country are incredibly fortunate to have been born American, and yet far too many of us think that being the world’s remaining superpower gives us the power to remake the world in our image. Over the past seven years, we’ve developed a well-deserved reputation for not playing well with others. We can change that, and I’m just arrogant enough to honestly believe that I have a role to play in that dialogue. Such is the beauty of democracy, no?
Whatever may happen, I’m hoping that 2008 will be a better year for me, and that I’ll be able to repair at least some of what I’ve helped to tear asunder. I hope that 2008 will be a safe, happy, and prosperious year for all of you as well. Thank you for being a part of my little obsession. It’s fun having an audience, and I’m flattered that you’re a part of it.
Cheers!!
