Military sources: Dying spy satellite hit by missile
Satellites gone
Way up to Mars
Soon it will be filled
With parking cars
I watch it for a little while
I love to watch things on TV
- Lou Reed, Satellite of Love
In a display of American technological might that should be giving Republican America-firsters a world-class woody, the US Navy shot down a satellite last night. It would seem that the rogue satellite was a looming threat to Life As We Know It © , so Our Glorious and Benevolent © ordered the Navy to shoot it down with one of their Magic Missiles. Yes, let this be a lesson to those America-hating weenies around the world: there is NOTHING we cannot do. We OWN you…because we just saved your sorry, Communist, bleeding-heart asses from certain, agonizing death at the hand of the Evil Empire. Suck on that one!
This isn’t some cheese-ball Hollywood science-affliction movie in which America proves it’s collective manhood by saving the world’s bacon. Our bold, decisive action saved the world’s bacon. Who knows what horrible fate might have overtaken us had Commander Codpiece © not taken decisive action and secured his place in history as a decisive leader and a resolute man of God? Would John Kerry have been as decisive and resolute? I think not. He’d still be looking for the Brie.
Yes, when you quiche-eating, beret-wearing, Sartre-quoting, wine-swilling, Proust-reading, cafe-lounging furriners are done convincing yourself of your moral superiority to America and The Decider © and can stop your self-absorbed moralizing, you’re invited to kiss my furry pasty-white butt. America rules, you drool…and who just saved Mankind’s bacon?? Hmm??? Once again, America has put itself on the line to bail out Liberal whiny-butts who would rather kibbitz and debate than get things do…and we DID get things done, didn’t we? YES, WE DID!
Uh…wait…it was one of our satellites we shot down? Oops. Sorry…my bad…. Never mind.
