February 15, 2008 6:18 AM

Don't try this at home, kids....

DALLAS, N.C. — Investigators say a man has been charged with child abuse in Caldwell County for circumcising his two infant sons with a utility knife.

Yes, when I first read this story, I, like any self-respecting male, had to fight the urge to cringe and cross my legs. You know, there are still things that are better left to the professionals, who are much likely to make a mess of things. This is what you don’t see at-home circumcision kits on eBay. Unforttunately, Johnny Eric Marlowe apparently didn’t get the memo.

An admitted polygamist, Marlowe has apparently fathered 11 children with two wives, so you’d think that by now he’d have the circumcision on the kitchen table thing down. Then again, it appears that Marlowe isn’t exactly a model husband, having denied both his wives access to pre-natal care.

Even with all of the publicity, there’s apparently no truth to the rumor that Marlowe has been signed as the new spokeman for Ronco’s new “Do-It-Yourself Frontal Lobotomy Kit”. His agent is confident, though, that the endorsement offers will be rolling in before too much longer…apparently, just in time for him to get out of jail.

America, I humbly offer up for your examination the latest candidate for 2008 (Not Exactly) Father of the Year. Vote early and often….

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 15, 2008 6:18 AM.

It's just a word, people.... was the previous entry in this blog.

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