Things I really don't give a (&^% about

Bill O’Reilly: If this sorry excuse for a human being is a journalist, then I’m the Queen of England.

McDonald’s Feng Shui: File this under “Things there oughta be a law against”….

Ralph Nader running for President: It seems Nader has spent the past few years as CEO of Irrelevant, Inc.

Moqtada el Sadr: Will someone PLEASE get this man to a dentist?

Fox News Channel: No, we don’t know who Osama bin-Laden is endorsing for President, but you can bet that FNC will treat the drooling faithful to hours of mindless speculation on the subject.

The George W. Bush Presidential Library: If you need a building in order to celebrate the man’s successes, I think my Grandpa still has an outhouse on his property.

Mary Matalin’s opinion that global climate change is a hoax: Keep repeating the propaganda often enough and with sufficient conviction, and it will eventually become Gospel. That STILL doesn’t make it true.

Angelina Jolie’s “baby bump”: So she’s preggers. Big (&^%$#@ deal; so are about 100 million other women on this planet.

John McCain’s “integrity”: Uh, has anyone seen my dignity? No? How about my integrity??

ANYONE who wants to be John McCain’s running mate: Isn’t this sort of like being the leader of the dance band on the Titanic?

The Academy Awards: Who (&^%$#@ cares? Since when is art about competition?

Boxing: THIS is a sport? Please….

Vladimir Putin: The single biggest reason why “Russian democracy” is still an oxymoron.

Professional Fishing: Call me when crosschecking becomes legal, ‘kay??

Kelvin Sampson: Cheaters never prosper, and stupid cheaters should just skip the waiting period and go straight to Hell.

The NFL Combine: Not since the Emancipation Proclamation has there been a more disturbing example of human beings being examined as if they were commodities.

Athletes who rap: Would you pay to watch 50 Cent play basketball? I rest my case.

Corporate executives who deny the reality of global climate change: Apparently, a 10-figure annual salary doesn’t ipso facto translate to a triple-digit IQ.

Mark Penn: Someone really ought to tell Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager that “slash and burn” really isn’t an effective campaign strategy.

Bill Kristol: Arrogant, ignorant, egomaniacal…and built to stay that way.