This week in Stupid

Bush: Obama, Clinton Threaten “Prosperity And Peace”: Yeah, because peace and prosperity have certainly been a hallmark of the past eight years, no?

Police: Assault suspect says he’s a ‘werewolf-vampire’: Pennsylvania 19-year-old charged with having sex with a 15-year-old girl: Man, if I’d known it was so easy to meet girls like this, my high school years would have been a LOT more fun.

Traveling Sex Show at Duke Draws Criticism: Yeah, people got really exercised when they learned that the show was sponsored by Mike Nifong and the Durham County Attorney General’s Office.

Queen guitarist didn’t know singer was gay: Freddie Mercury was gay? WTF?? And all this time, Brian May had been thinking that the parade of buff young men in Mercury’s dressing room had only been delivering pizzas.

Rubbish dump found floating in Pacific Ocean is twice the size of America: Somehow, having America associate with the world’s largest floating dump seems oddly appropriate….

Half of UK men would swap sex for 50 inch TV: What the story conveniently forgot to mention was that half of British women would swap their dickless husbands for a weekend at Chippendale’s.

Blind woman tries again for state acupuncture license: Well, she had to. The state denied her application for a long-haul trucker’s license. A girl’s gotta make a living….

Bush Rallies Conservatives for Campaign: Yeah, the morally bankrupt trying to rally the ideologically corrupt. THAT oughta work out well.

65-million-year-old dinosaur returning to North Dakota: And all this time I’d been thinking that Bob Dole was from Kansas….

Police: Beer was strapped in, but not 16-month-old: You can always get another kid, but when you run out of Schlitz, you’ve got a crisis on your hands, no?

McNamee claims he injected Clemens’ wife with HGH: Ex-trainer says shot was requested by Rocket prior to swimsuit photo shoot: Tune in next week, when Brian McNamee details how he injected Roger Clemens’ cat with Feline Growth Hormone and tuna extract. Yes, indeed…love means never having to tolerate your wife’s saggy breasts….

McCain drops Mellencamp songs from campaign playlist: Just a thought, but if you’re a Republican running for President, you might want to be certain the the music at your campaign rallies isn’t performed by a musician who’s a flaming Liberal. Unless you like being verbally bitch-slapped by a musician….