Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us

Kate Beckinsale Would Rather Eat Vagina Than Sushi: You know, there are a lot of guys who would pay to see that, but I really could have lived without being subjected to that mental image.

Britney Spears Father Does “Underwear Check”: How sad is this? You’re 26, a millionaire several times over, and yet you’re so thoroughly screwed up that your father has to verify that you’re wearing underwear before you leave the house. Who says money can’t buy common sense?

‘Girls Gone Wild’ filmmaker: Spitzer’s Kristen appeared in lesbian video: Next, we’ll no doubt learn that Dina Matos McGreevey was her co-star. Gentleman, start your Visa cards!

Tina Fey: Jon Stewart Doesn’t Make People Laugh: Right…and I suppose she thought Fox News Channel’s late (and not so great) Half-Hour News Hour was uproariously funny??

It literally rained mud here last Tuesday: Go ahead…ask me again why I (don’t) miss Texas….

Cheney questions Iran’s nuke status : ‘Cuz if I say they have nuclear weapons, then damnit, they have nuclear weapons. You can take you “facts” and “reports” and shove them….

On anniversary, Bush cites Iraq success: Hey, c’mon, y’all…the man’s only killed 4,000 Americans. It’s not like this is Vietnam or anything.

Texan buys Illinois-shaped corn flake for $1,350: Perhaps this is God’s way of telling you that you have too damn much money?

Suspected rat’s head found in snack made in China: In some parts of the world, rat’s head is considered haute cuisine…not any part of the world I would want to go to, though.

Deer urine in the A/C makes Tenn. students sick: Yeah, any fool knows that deer urine should NEVER be served cold.