Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us

97% of U.S. deaths in Iraq came after ‚ÄòMission Accomplished.‚Äô: Uh…so what, exactly, was it that was accomplished?

4,000: Truly, one death is a tragedy. Four thousand dead Americans is a statistic. (Apologies to Josef Stalin)

FRC: I ‚Äòprefer‚Äô to ‚Äòexport homosexuals‚Äô from the U.S.: Because it’s not enough to merely hate and despise those who don’t fit your narrow, holier-than-thou definition of a “godly” lifestyle. No, if you can’t ship them off to death camps, why not export them to…oh, I don’t know…France?? Of course, this just might create a helluva trade imbalance….

McCain’s Spiritual Guide: Destroy Islam: Hey, maybe we could ship Muslims to France with the homosexuals??

Bear Stearns chopping 8,000 of 14,000 workers: Greed is good, no?? Yes, somewhere Gordon Gecko is laughing maniacally.

Since ‘01, Guarding Species Is Harder Endangered Listings Drop Under Bush: Because squirrels don’t donate to the GOP, knowhutimean??

Stalwart Service for U.S. in Iraq Is Not Enough to Gain Green Card: Despite four years of faithfully and bravely serving as a translator for American troops in Iraq, Saman Kareem Ahmad has been refused a green card, essentially meaning that he could be deported at any time and for any reason. Thanks for your service, now don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out. We’re better than this…aren’t we??

John McCain is betting big on Iraq: Yes, that’s right; Sen. McCain is attempting to ride into the White House on the coffins of our sons and daughters. Man, would I like to kick his sorry, self-absorbed @$$. Oh, and by the way, McCain had been agitating for war in Iraq since 1998- five years prior to “Mission Accomplished”.

Mexico on road to surpass U.S. ‚Äî as world’s fattest country: Hey, have you looked at the menu in a Mexican restaurant lately. Not a lot of salads, are there?

China ties Dalai Lama to terrorists: You know, I’d always the guy looked kinda shifty. I mean, really; who believes in nonviolence anymore?

Disabled pregnant woman used as target practice: Yeah, I suppose it’s easier to hit a stationary target….