April 23, 2008 5:19 AM

Join the brave fight for truth, Jesus...and the elimination of TruckNutz

Florida Lawmakers Take Brave Stand Against Fake Testicles

THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD

(apologies to Keith Olbermann)

Carey Baker

With hot-button issues like immigration, the environment, and the failing real estate market crowding the "national conversation" these days, it's nice to see a few ballsy Floridians with the cojones to take on important issues like fake testicles, and how some tasteless individuals like to dangle them from trucks. The brave Florida state Senate passed an amendment to a transportation bill that would levy a $60 fine against anyone with TruckNutz or generic-made fake testicles dangling from their rear bumpers. Of course, some naysayers are arguing that there are more important things to legislate against than fake balls. Sen. Carey Baker, who proposed the amendment, acknowledged his critics' concerns and said that "I do have more important things to do this session. But I think this is important, too."

RoyP_1.jpgLong have I patiently waited for the opportunity to be able to use the word "testicles" in a post. Thanks to Wonkette, that day has finally arrived, and another of my many twisted and inexplicable dreams has been realized. My Gawd...I LOVE my life!!!

And doesn't it just figure that this story comes to us from Floriduh...where, if you believe what you might learn in their public schools, you might find yourself preggers from inadvertently grabbing the wrong door knob or sitting on the wrong toilet seat. After all any Floridian knows that Tallahassee, the state capitol, means "where common sense goes to die" in the Seminole language. Well, OK...the literal translation is actually "home of self-righteous brain-dead zealots who were dropped on their heads at birth", but that's a mouthful.

Yes, once Carey Baker has his merry band of numbnuts (pun most definitely intended) have succeeded in ridding Floriduh of the scourge that is TruckNutz, Floriduh will truly be the pure and Godly Paradise on Earth it deserves to be. Having apparently solved all of the other problems facing the Great State of Floriduh- like poverty, crime, sinkholes, hurricanes, and the high cost of hookers- Baker can now set his sights on what's truly important.

Right; ask me how much I miss Floriduh....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on April 23, 2008 5:19 AM.

Doing less...with less was the previous entry in this blog.

This week's nomination for the Subliminal Message Hall of Fame is the next entry in this blog.

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