Political activists planning protest rallies at the upcoming Democratic Convention in Denver have their stomachs in knots over a rumor about a crowd control weapon - known as the "crap cannon" - that might be unleashed against them. Also called "Brown Note," it is believed to be an infrasound frequency that debilitates a person by making them defecate involuntarily.
Wow...nothing says "freedom of speech and assembly" quite like a crowd control weapon designed to induce involuntary diarrhea among the unruly and uncooperative masses. What makes this story even better is that the City of Denver purchased this high-tech weaponry with $18 million in federal grant money. Your tax dollars at work, eh? Or not....
Yes, I can see it now....
THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION, SPONSORED BY KAOPECTATE!
And how, exactly, does a committed protester prepare for this sort of invasive assault on one's digestive tract? By following a high-fiber diet??
The good thing, I suppose, is that it will be easy to recognize the terrorists and America-hating Libruls (like there's really a difference) in Denver. They'll be the one stocking up on Kaopectate and Metamucil....