Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us

Uma Thurman Engaged To Wealthy Financier: If you need me, I'll be playing Russian Roulette on the living room floor....

"Wanted" Review: Angelina Brings "Boys Of All Ages To Their Knees": Uh, no...I think you've got it all wrong. I want to bring Angelina Jolie to HER knees. Does that make me a bad person??

Important Congressional Conference Call Discusses 'Hand Jobs' And 'Hot Sluts': It's nice to know that someone's taking care of the People's business, no??

The Federal Marriage Amendment is back -- with Vitter's and Craig's support: Hookers and gay sex and bathroom stalls...OH MY!! Is it even possible to overstate the hypocrisy inherent in this moral travesty??? I should think not.

McCain Makes Awkward Wife-Beating Joke: And this is funny how, exactly??

Nevada Governor Caught In Embrace With Ex-Playboy Bunny: Hey, what does he have that I don't??

Terry McAuliffe: Hillary Could Become Pope: Uh, yeah...in an institution almost completely devoted to maintaining the second-class status of women? That could TOTALLY happen.

Tossed Tim McGraw fan -"I can drink an 18-pack and still be sober." That's right, @$$&#&%! I'm not as think as you drunk I am! I am ALCOHOL to IMPERVIOUS!!

Three Idaho residents charged in underage sex case: Man, you can get ANYTHING on the Internet...except a functional intellect....