Today's signs that the Apoclaypse is upon us

Fox News, Huckabee In Talks Over New Show: Jesus called; He wants His religion back....

BUSH TO LIFT EXECUTIVE BAN ON OFFSHORE DRILLING: Uh...didn't Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © originally try to propagandize us into thinking that he would be the "Environmental President"? Lies, damn lies, and George W. Bush....

Dittoheads to pretend to think for themselves: Right...and that sharp pain in your head? That's a thought, y'all.

Mormon missionary calendar-maker excommunicated: Shirtless Mormon missionairies? Wow, that's about as titillating as an Arby's Roast Beef & Cheddar sandwich. Just be sure you turn in your white shirt and black slacks before you leave, 'kay??

US, Iraq 'abandon efforts to reach long-term troop accord': Which only means that Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © will need to find another false pretext for remaining in Iraq past the end of 2008. Just give him time.

Larry King To Write Autobiography Titled "What Am I Doing Here?": Rumor has it that King already has a sequel planned. The working title is "How The F--k Am I Supposed To Know?"

Saudi faces lashes and jail over 'illicit phone affair': No, phone sex sure ain't what it used to be, eh?

Schwarzenegger Suggests He's Open to Post Under Obama: Well, so am I...but that doesn't mean I'll be sitting by my phone, waiting for a call that will never, EVER come.

"Terrorist" Watch List Hits One Million Names: So, tell Akif Rahman what he's won, Don Pardo!!

Even Sex-Party Houses Aren't Selling In This Market: Yes, THIS is the one sure sign that the housing market's in crisis.