Beaming Russian blonde named new Miss World: Kseniya Sukhinova crowned after a two-hour spectacle in Johannesburg: No, contrary to what you may have heard, I do NOT have a Russian mail-order bride on my Christmas list. But if I did....
IRAQI JOURNALIST HURLS SHOES AT BUSH: Did he at least hit the son of a bitch??
2008 in lists: 12 biggest douchebags of the year: Are you like me? Always grateful when these lists come out and your name isn't on it? Thankfully, it looks like I managed to go another year without pissing off the wrong people.
Bush sneaks through host of laws to undermine Obama: Our Glorious and Benevolent Leader © to the American Sheeple: (&^% you! Hmm...I think I have a rather obvious nomination for biggest douchebag of the year....
Human rights activists go missing in Zimbabwe: OK, so we invaded Iraq because the President was a mean-spirited, oppressive S.O.B. who murdered thousands of Iraqis for sport. Robert Mugabe is doing essentially the same thing in Zimbabwe...so why aren't we making plans to invade Zimbabwe? Oh, right...oil. Duh. Perhaps if Zimbabwe had some, their human rights record might be an issue, eh?
Utah 'prophet' predicts disaster will prevent Obama from taking office: You know, I really could make a joke of this...but there's absolutely nothing funny about it. There are people out there who could absolutely make this a reality. Hate is a powerful and destructive thing.
AP: Many Insisting That Obama Is Not Black: Great. He's not an American. He's not black. It would appear we're about to be governed by...well, anyone care to tell me by what, exactly??
Pop Warner Team Gets Kicked Out Of Disney: How do you manage to get kicked out of Disney World? Well, contrary to what I'd always suspected, it doesn't have to involve kicking Mickey Mouse in the balls.
My drink was spiked for fun. The number of people having their drinks laced by friends 'for a joke' is on the rise: With friends like these, who needs enemas??
Nightclub guard was rebuilding tragic life: Wow...and you think your life sucks.