December 6, 2008 4:18 AM

Too bad they couldn't require a personality transplant

NEW YORK -- Sean Avery was suspended for six games by NHL commissioner Gary Bettman on Friday after the league's most notorious agitator made a crude comment regarding his ex-girlfriends dating other hockey players. Avery already has served two games of the suspension and will serve an additional four, making him eligible to return Dec. 16 against Phoenix, if Dallas Stars management and his teammates accept him back. Avery also agreed to be evaluated for anger management. If necessary, he will then receive "structured counseling in response to a pattern of unacceptable and anti-social behavior," the NHL said. Bettman deemed Avery's behavior "detrimental to the league or game of hockey." The commissioner said in a statement that Avery has "expressed remorse for his recent comments and has sought a professional anger management evaluation. I will require that he follow through with that process as a condition of his returning to the ice and that he complies with any and all recommendations."... He added that Avery has been warned repeatedly about his behavior, saying that too often it has been "at odds with the manner in which his more than 700 fellow players conduct themselves."

THIS JUST IN: Sean Avery's an @$$hole. Everyone- the NHL, his teammates, fans- would be ecstatic were he to simply disappear. Unfortunately, given the millions his new contract with the Dallas Stars is paying him, it's nowhere near that simple. Someone's going to take a bath on this one, and I can almost guarantee you that it's not going to be Sean Avery...not that he doesn't richly deserve it. If you or I conducted ourselves in the reprehensible manner Avery has (and I'm not just talking about his latest over the top, beyond embarrassing episode), we'd be pounding the pavement looking for work, and deservedly so. Unfortunately, the rich...well, they really are different than you and me. For one, they're held to different, and apparently much lower standards.

Avery, whose latest misdeed has already been given far too much airtime, needs to be exiled to someplace where he can learn to conduct himself like a reasonable,and decent human being. In his case, reason and decency are both qualities that are sadly lacking. Honestly, it's really a lot more work being an asshole, which is why I've never made a very good one- I'm just too damn lazy to put in the effort required. It's also a whole lot more pleasant when you're liked by at least a few people.

If there was an justice in this world, Sean Avery would be playing in the second division of the Libyan Hockey League, and the few fans in attendance would all make more than he does. Sure, the Dallas Stars will cut him loose, because they really have to. Avery's become radioactive. Management can't stand him and his teammates despise him. I'd feel sorry for him if he hadn't brought it upon himself.

Perhaps Avery might even learn a lesson or two about the Golden Rule from his current travails. Perhaps not. If past is prologue, some NHL team will sign him, and Avery will continue merrily along the same path. It may not be necessary to be a complete @$$hole, but try convincing Sean Avery of that....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on December 6, 2008 4:18 AM.

Today's signs that the Apocalypse is upon us was the previous entry in this blog.

Ah, Schadenfruede...though art a fickle and yet highly entertaining wench is the next entry in this blog.

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