I ran across this meme on Facebook a few days ago, and it got me to thinking about my life, my experiences, and the sorts of things that make me unique...just like everyone else. Seriously; I've been looking for an excuse to make my writing less overtly political and more personal (although you still likely won't see me baring my soul hear on da Interweb). This is at least a tentative, halting step in that direction.
In considering this list, it became an interesting exercise in examining my life and my place in the world. Especially over the past few days, when I've been let down- hard- it's been comforting to look back and think about some of the stops along the trail of my life. I haven't found a cure for cancer, I've never written the Great Amercan...well, ANYTHING, really, but I hope I've done more good than harm...even though it's difficult to feel that way at times. When I find myself wishing that my life had been more conventional- marriage, children, etc.- it helps to look back and realize that my experiences, my joys, AND my sorrows (of which there have been no lack) stem from the decisions I've made and the path I've chosen. Sometimes the decisions haven't always been the wisest and the path the smoothest, but this is my life. Like most of us, I'm pretty much making it up as I go. These 20 random things will, I hope, provide at least a snapshot of how I arrived at where I am today.
1) Once upon a time, I was almost shot by a Turkish soldier. While living in Cyprus, I once tried to take a picture of a Turkish post in the Green Line area of divided Nicosia. I was interested in a sign that I want to have a friend who spoke Turkish translate for me. It was very nearly my last mortal act.
2) While a goalkeeper on my college soccer team, I once saved a victory with (cringe) the family jewels. For some reason, the coach put me into the game cold with 17 minutes left and a two-goal lead. I immediately gave up one goal, and shortly thereafter faced a one-on-none breakaway. I ran at the ball, and managed to smother the shot. Unfortunately, I forgot to put on my protective cup when I went into the game, and took the shot full-on in the, uh..."man region". My coach told me that it was the best save he'd ever seen a goalkeeper make...small consolation as I lay dying on a bench in the locker room after the game.
3) One year, while in London, I STARTED my Christmas shopping at 530pm on Christmas Eve. You'll find this in your dictionary under "Widespread Panic".
4) I once flew back to Portland from Washington, DC with two dozen garlic bagels from the Chesapeake Bay Bagel Bakery (for my money, STILL the best bagels in the world) on Capitol Hill. By the time we were 35,000 feet over flyover country, people were asking the flight attendants what the smell was. Yes, I got some dirty looks as I pulled the bagels out of the overhead compartment once we landed, but the bagels were definitely worth it!.
5) In college, I once managed to get an entire concourse at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport shut down by dressing as Elvis Presley and having a group of pretend Hari Krishnas strew rose petals at my feet as I greeted arriving flights. No, there was no alcohol involved...and it would take far too long to explain.
6) I once stood in the square of a Croatian village, idly conversing with Croatian soldiers as Serbian snipers watched us from the hills 50-75 meters away. I remember hoping that the snipers didn't just discover that their wives were schtupping the neighbor boys while they were away "protecting" Mother Serbia.
7) I once had drinks with some Albanian friends at a bar in Pristina, Kosovo, while Serbs who lived above the bar threw garbage and toilet water at us. Luckily, the bar was under an overhang and we watched the cascading detritus with no lack of amusement.
8) When I was 15, I had a cassette tape with Kiss on side one and Barry Manilow on side two. I still don't have an explanation for that one.
9) As a teenager, my family raised chickens. You know the old "running around like a chicken with it's head cut off" thing? Yeah, it really does happen...and it's every bit as gruesome as you might think.
10) Since I played soccer in college, I once tried out for the football team as a kicker...and I'm here to tell you that kicking a field goal is nowhere near as easy as it looks on television.
11) When I was four, I was on "The Bozo the Clown Show"...and got hit in the side of the head by a flying pastry. I still don't understand the appeal of clowns.
12) When I was eight, our family's car was stolen. I was the only one who knew the license plate number (I still do- MDO 405). Dad used to leave the keys in the ignition; that way we'd always know where they were. We also never locked the doors on our house.
13) I once spent a night in an unheated Greek Monastery high in the mountains of Cyprus. I slept on a concrete bed with scratchy wool blankets and cleaned up in the morning with ice-cold water. Trust me; asceticism is highly overrated.
14) I once got caught in the middle of a not-so-very-pleasant confrontation between supporters of Chelsea and Manchester United during a football match at Fulham Broadway. I suddenly understood why the terraces had separate sections featuring fences topped with razor wire for supporters of each side.
15) I've seen Bruce Springsteen in concert, but I've yet to see U2. If anyone would like to help me rectify that, I'm all ears. Kenny Chesney is also high on my list. ;-)
16) My first published piece of writing was in an Albanian-language political magazine in Kosovo. Allegedly, someone translated it, and it ran after I left the country. Of course, not speaking more than about three words of Albanian, I have NO idea how closely the translation hewed to my writing. For all I know, I could have been espousing the joys of Romanian dwarf porn.
17) One quick and fairly accurate way to check my mood is to find out what music I'm listening to. If I pull into the parking lot and you hear Kenny Chesney, you can rest assured that I'm most likely (and quite introspectively) pondering my place in the Universe.
18) One of the saddest days of my life was when the Minnesota North Stars moved to Dallas in 1993. Norm Green STILL sucks....
19) If you want to see me go from zero to asshole, trying lighting a cigarette in front of me. Growing up with a father who force-fed his children second-hand smoke will do that to a person.
20) I can say "I love you" in seven different languages (OK, it might take me awhile to dredge it out of my memory, but I think I can still do it.). Now if I could only put that knowledge to some use....
