The New York Jets And The Flaming Lesbian Catfight: When a story starts with the phrases "raging catfight" and "lesbian girlfriend"...and contains the added bonus of someone's hair being set on fire...well, it's got to feel a lot like hitting a trifecta at the races, no?
Police Take Adolf Hitler From His Parents: Apparently, seeing a toddler goose-stepping through Toys R Us was too much for some folks.
Obama The Night Owl: Expect Long Hours At The White House: Leadership. We has it.
Wisconsin Mayor Arrested For Children/Sex: He's a leader. He's a Democrat. He's innovative. He likes to (&^% children. One of these things is NOT like the other....
Displeased with Utah (aka Mormon bigots), gays cancel a big ski trip: When you traffic in hatred, you can't claim to be surprised when the object of your derision tells you to go fornicate yourself and takes their money elsewhere. Or is the money the GLBT community spends somehow worth less?
'Sewer Escape' Mafia Man Captured: It seems that all the police had to do was to follow the smell.
Woman motorist banned after police catch her drink-driving... on a 2.4mph mobility scooter: It was all fun and games until she started running senior citizens with walkers off the sidewalks in her neighborhood.
Bank Of America Wants More Bailout Money: OK, well give it some thought...but first you have to tell us what you did with the first gazillion dollars we gave you.
Overland Park man complains about zoo's Buddha statues: Behold, the latest threat to Christian hegemony...that thud you just heard was the complete collapse of Christian tolerance and open-mindedness.
Woman impales man with thermometer: Nah, he's going to need a bit more time in the oven; he's still cold in the center.
Footprints foil Bowden jailbreak: Here's a hint: if you're going to try to escape from prison in Alberta, you might just want to wait until the 3-4 weeks out of the year when there's no snow on the ground. That way no one will be able to follow your footprints. DUMB@$$....
NY Times Comically Pissed That Obama Won't Talk To Them: How DARE he?? Butbutbut...we're THE NEWSPAPER OF RECORD?? Yeah, and could well be out of business in five months. Suck on it.