Strange, local celebrations ring in the new year: At midnight, a huge lit up sausage gets dropped in Elmore every New Years Eve...and Visanthe Shiancoe was, despite rumors to the contrary, not the guest of honor.
Germantown sinkhole traps city repair truck: This just in...Philadelphia sucks!! Film at 11....
New Year's resolution to give up alcohol can be bad for your health: OK, so as of tomorrow we're on the Jagrmeister diet!
Palin: Bristol And Levi Are "Working Their Butts Off To Parent": Yeah, that $300k they got for the baby pictures only goes so far, eh??
Urban deer plentiful -- and they're plenty tempting to poachers: Ah, Minnesota...these are my people...sturdy, self-sufficient hunters and gatherers who will drop a 15-point buck with ease. With a crossbow. Twenty-five feet from a major freeway. During morning rush hour. Remember, it's all about the sport.
7-Eleven burritos recalled: A Denver firm has recalled about 172 pounds of burritos that may be contaminated with Listeria monocyto genes.... Man, if you're eating 7-Eleven burritos, I would think that this would be the least of your problems....
Cuba marks 50 years of revolution: You might want to get out of the way; after spinning for that long, someone's bound to be throwing up before too much longer....
Man banned from carrying felt-tip pens. A man has been banned from carrying felt tip pens and spray paint in public after daubing abusive comments about women in lavatories and buses, police said: So, if he was guilty of verbal abuse, he'd been banned from speaking??
Toll Machines Abused: If you've been using automatic toll machines to dispose of you child's dirty diapers, the Oklahoma Turnpike Authority would REALLY like to speak with you.
What To Eat Today... And How To Make It: Step One: Grab car keys. Step Two: Drive to nearest Jack-in-the-Box. Step Three: Go through the drive-through and order the entire left side of the menu. Step Four: Party on, Garth!
2008: Bush's Last Year By The Numbers: Trust me on this one...the numbers don't lie.
We Can't Quit W. Countdown - #29: We'll Miss The Reading Children's Books While Armageddon Is Happening: Yeah, that pissed-off, deer-caught-in-the-headlights looks was priceless, wasn't it??