February 3, 2009 5:49 AM

Another lesson in wisdom, I suppose

As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know.

  • Donald Rumsfeld

One of the banes of my existence- and one that I would imagine I share with most of planet's population- is my constant drive to eradicate uncertainty, to know what I don't know. Never mind that sometimes I CAN'T know, because there's invariably a process involved, and uncertainty is part and parcel of that. Not everything in the universe possesses a known and/or definable quality...not that this immutable truth has stopped me from trying to find answers where none may necessarily exist. It's a dichotomy, because while I'm excited by possibilities, not knowing can be a scary place to be.

Any of us who have had the experience of being with another person for any length time understands that as time goes by there's a process that evolves through which both parties settle into patterns of behaviors and expectations that (hopefully) mesh and create a sense of commonality, comfort, and shared purpose. It's a wonderful, joyful, and exciting process, because in so doing, two people manage to create something completely unlike anything that has come before.

Sadly, now and again these things break down, and one can find oneself in a foreign landscape and lacking a road map. It's a frightening prospect for some, but the fip side of abject terror can be excitement and challenge. Welcome to my world, y'all. ;-)

I find myself challenged by needing (and very much wanting) to allow something to grow at it's natural pace (whatever that may be) without trying to push the process along...and in so doing, driving it off a cliff. I can be patient, but, like so many of us, I have a love/hate relationship with uncertainty. For me, so much of the problem has been my proclivity towards trying to get to the future ASAP. Because of this, I've often had a tendency to slide by the present in my race to whatever or wherever I think the finish line may be. It's easy to ignore the process and focus on the destination, whether out of insecurity (in my case) or a simple desire to maximize certainty.

In this case, not only do I not know what the future holds, I don't know what I don't know. Even so, if I can manage to yank my anterior out of my posterior, I might just recognize that this uncertainty is part of what makes the process so delicious and exciting. Approached with the right frame of mind, this might just turn out to be a Hell of a lot of fun. Anticipation and curiosity can be (and is) a wonderful thing, particularly if your mind is constantly running at warp speed as mine generally is.

The challenge I've accepted for myself is to slow down and enjoy the present while I tuck my insecurities somewhere deep in my underwear drawer. I can't change the past (though Lord knows I'd like a few "do-overs"), and I can't begin to know what the future holds. What I can do, though, is to live in the moment and enjoy what I have going for me...and believe me, my present ain't such a bad place to be right about now. Yeah, I know; how hard can it be, right? Well, if you're walking in my shoes, you'd understand what a huge challenge it can be....and is.

I can be, and generally am, my own worst enemy. I sabotage myself when good things begin to happen because I on some level don't believe I deserve them. In this sense, I can go from zero to self-fulfilling prophecy at close to warp speed. It would be impressive if it weren't so damn self-destructive.

Life looks pretty damn good at the moment, and it certainly doesn't need me pushing things along. The challenge, then, is to live in and enjoy the moment as if it's the last one I may ever have. I can only hope that the person on the other side of the equation will be able to continue to possess the patience, tolerance, and understanding that I've experienced thus far.

Sometimes, when you're not used to good things happening, it can be tough to avoid the temptation to wrap yourself around something good...and squeeze the life out of it. When I was learning how to play golf as a child, the man teaching me explained that the best way to grip a golf club was to imagine that you're holding a bird. You want to be gentle enough to ensure that you don't hurt the bird, right? A loose grip promotes relaxation and flexibility, while a tight grip restricts your arm muscles and range of motion, making a smooth, fluid swing virtually impossible. So it is with so much of life.

I'm still trying to get that damn grip right....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 3, 2009 5:49 AM.

Now in Feel-A-Round!! was the previous entry in this blog.

Proof positive that some humans really are irredeemable @$$wipes is the next entry in this blog.

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