So, I've got a birthday coming up, and I know that She Who Hung The Moon © will probably curious about what sort of fabulous, awe-inspiring, ridiculously-expensive gift she should get me in order that she might prove her love and devotion (and what self-respecting woman wouldn't want to do that??). I mean, why shouldn't she lavish large sums of money on me? Who says you can't buy love...right??? Well, whatever she does, even if it's "just" the gift of time with her, I'll be praying that she doesn't get me one of these. Yes, that's right; we're talking about the one gift no self-respecting guy knows he actually needs: a Willy Warmer. Oh, and before you're go clicking through on any links while you're at work, let's just assume that the provided illustrations are NSFW, shall we??
I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything seemingly less comfortable than stuffing my package into a banana hammock made of mohair. What, you couldn't find any 90-grit sandpaper?? Then again, this being America, the home of manufactured "need", how long will it be before this sort of accessory will be considered de riguer by any self-respecting metrosexual male? Or any male?
Free Willy, indeed....
