The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.
- Ursula K. LeGuin
We do our best and we hope.
It was a simple comment from yesterday, but since then, I've found myself thinking of little else (except a certain someone who's the reason for my dilemma). In trying to get used to having someone new in my life, and in determining how we may or may not fit into each other's life, I'm realizing there are far more questions than answers. Then again, I suppose this uncertainty is part of what makes it all so interesting and exciting. The more time we spend together, the more I realize how much I don't know. I suppose the same holds true on the other side of the equation as well. Filling in those blanks is a process, and one that takes time. Every time we're together, I realize how much I don't know, and it feels as if I'm taking one step forward and two steps back.
So many questions. So few answers.
Knowing myself as I do, I recognize in myself a pronounced tendency to overthink...well, everything, really. Thankfully, I've reached a point where I can own up to that, and hope that by so doing I can minimize my tendency toward attempting to achieve certainty before it's time. I suppose this is something we all struggle with in a relationship: how do things fit together? How do you relate to the other person without seeming (or feeling) pathetic? Should I just stop whining and start having fun? Perhaps I should just try to relax and stop trying so hard? If the person on the other side of the equations continues to want to be with me, shouldn't that be enough? In trying to figure out the answers, do I risk losing sight of what the questions are?
We do our best and we hope.
I've promised myself that this is a day-by-day proposition, which, if you think about it, is all life really is. We're all day-to-day. Enjoy the moment and let the future unfold as or if it will. The good news is that plans are being made for Valentine's Day, which tells me that there's a corresponding desire to continue spending time together. In the meantime, my challenge is to embrace the uncertainty...of which there is no lack. Such is the nature of the beast. I don't want to become so focused on the destination that I neglect to enjoy and cherish the journey...and so far there has been much to enjoy and cherish. A very wise friend once looked at me with a rather bemused smile and offered only two words: "Baby steps."
Indeed. Baby steps it is...and I can look forward to spending Valentine's Day on the Oregon Coast. How cool is that?? ;-)
We do our best and we hope...and as long as there is hope and the potential for good things...well, what else could one reasonably hope for?
