February 9, 2009 5:14 AM

So this is what it's supposed to feel like?

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

  • Woody Allen

Over the past year and a half, I've slowly become more or less resigned to the idea that it was my fate to go through life alone. That probably sounds more melodramatic than I mean for it to be, but it reflects what my life since September, 2007 had led me to. After a whole lot of pain and suffering, including the requisite wandering in the metaphorical wilderness, I hadn't given up on myself, but it was difficult to look into the future and see anything but a continuation of the path I found myself on. Not what I'd been hoping for, without a doubt, but I was OK with that if that was to be my fate. I'm comfortable with my own company, and I was slowly becoming to understand that what was going to be was going to be, and I might as well adapt and do what I could to live a meaningful and joyful life.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. I've done it for awhile, and I've become pretty good at it. Like anything else, there are good things about being single, and it can be a positive thing if you approach it with the right attitude, which is what I've tried to do. I'd be lying, though, if I didn't own up to wanting to find someone to share my journey with. Now I find myself in a position where that just might be happening, and it feels like an embarrassment of riches.

Meeting people isn't particularly difficult. Finding that kindred spirit, though, can be (and is) incredibly difficult. I realize that I'm not breaking new ground here in terms of the human experience, but I'm beginning to realize that maybe, just maybe.... OK, so there's still a part of me who fears jinxing something that feels pretty special. I'm not about to bare my soul here, but I woke up with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step...and that's a pretty amazing feeling. After the past year and a half, I'm realizing all over again that I am a good person and that I have a lot to offer. Sometimes, if you're just open to possibilities....

So what happens when two people arrive at the same place at the same time and in roughly the same manner? I have NO idea, but I'm looking forward to finding out. All I really know is that I've found something- and someone- that seems to be almost more than I deserve. Then again, I know that there's absolutely no reason I should be thinking in terms of whether or not this is something I "deserve". Of course I do...and so does she. Both of us are good people, with a lot to offer. Both of us deserve to be happy, and if this is how that comes about...well, you're not going to hear any complaints emanating from this quarter. It's a little scary, very exciting, all warm and fuzzy, and more than anything else, I want to see where this path leads. It's nice to not know the destination and yet still be eagerly anticipate the journey.

Man, I could get used to this...and with any luck, I will.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on February 9, 2009 5:14 AM.

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