New Research Reveals Why Kissing Is So Pleasurable: Hmm...I think I can handle breaking this one down. One, it feels good. Two, it can lead to rapid removal of clothing. Three...well, if you haven't figured this one out by now, you're on your own, Cowboy.... ;-)
Girl tells police: Mom 'cooks me in oven'. Hamtramck woman calls police herself, is charged with torturing kids, 4 and 5 years old: It's all fun and games until someone gets broiled.
Lesbian Sues Hospital Over Denied Access To Dying Partner: Thoughtless, insensitive and mean-spirited. Wee haz it. Yes, wee doo.
Medical Marijuana Policy May Change Under Obama: So, this might explain why the White House chef is order more Cheetos these days, yes?
RNC scraps plans to develop a policy think tank: This is what happens when you have no ideas. Zero. Zip. None. Nada. Bupkis.
Octuplet Fertility Doctor Under Investigation. California Medical Board investigates doctor who implanted embryos in mother of octuplets: IT'S A VAGINA, NOT A CLOWN CAR!!!! I have no idea what that means, of course...but I've always wanted to be able to use that phrase. I can now die a happy man....
What women want: Don't look at me; I don't have a clue, either....
As Economy Sheds 600,000 Jobs In One Month, Senate Conservatives Ask: What's The Rush?: Really...they're still gainfully employed and living in their plush, well-financed bubble. Where's the fire, y'all??
Kyl: It's 'dangerous' and 'careless' to describe a potential depression as a 'catastrophe.': This just in: Jon Kyl is an arrogant, clueless dick. Hey, Jon...here's an idea: lead, follow, or get the Hell off the bus.
Brace yourself, but Bush may have overpaid for bailout: Oversight? We were supposed to provide oversight? I didn't get the memo....
Fears of impostors increase on Facebook: OK, I'll own up to it: I'm actually a 350-lb. Russian mobster with a predilection for chain saws, 12-year-old girls, and Jagrmeister. There; I feel better already.
Even as pope employs the internet, he frets about its use: This from the man who has his own radio station, TV station, YouTube channel, and over 30,000 MySpace friends. It would seem that reports of the death of irony were premature.