'This bike is a pipe bomb' band sticker clears Memphis terminal: You know, I always thought that if I'd ever had a band, I'd have called it "Mental Masturbation". Not exactly record contract material, I suppose, but at least it wouldn't have cleared out an airport terminal.
Bristol Palin's First Interview: Says Abstinence "Not Realistic": Not that won't keep her from supporting people who expect it of children.
My Savior, Their Killer: I understand and believe in the power of forgiveness, but when you've sentenced 12,380 of your countrymen to death and tortured countless others, I'd have to think that accountability would and should trump forgiveness.
Efforts to recall Sam Adams beginning: Because sometimes, when a politician refuses to step up and do the right thing, you just have to push things along.
U.S. Muslim TV network founder charged with beheading wife: Uh, well...what happened was that I was just trying to slice a bagel, and....
NY governor wants to tax Internet porn: There's apparently no truth to the rumor that the tax will be indexed to the size of a starlet's breast implants.
Householders to be charged for each flush of toilet: Cue the massive sewage backups in 4...3...2.... No, Johnny...you're just going to have to hold it a bit longer- 'til like Memorial Day, 'kay??....
Justice Dept. to Critique Interrogation Methods Backed by Bush Team: You're President, and you don't like a law that's precluding you from doing something you want to be able to do- like, say, torture?? No problemo. All you have to do is hire a few slick, intellectual agile, and morally bankrupt lawyers who can write briefs that argue that black really is white and day is indisputably night. Problem solved.
France finally admits legal responsibility for sending Jews to death camps: Oops...our bad. Sorry, y'all; don't know what we were thinking at the time, but we'll try to do better the next a despotic, charismatic German leader tries to enslave Europe. 'KTHANKBYE....
White House Photo Album Depicts Obama Reaching Out To GOP: And many Republicans were seeking his autograph, even as they were trying to smack his stimulus plan down. Yes, Virginia there's a special place in Hell for hypocrites such as these.
Russian billionaires lose billions in crisis: Are you still like most of my generation? Trying to wrap your head around a term we grew up believing to be an oxymoron- "Russian capitalist"?
Man riding lawn mower dies in highway collision: A Darwin Award looking for a place to happen. Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves, eh?