April 1, 2009 4:57 AM

Greetings from beautiful downtown Tabula Rasa, OR....

Ah yes...another day devoid of energy, ambition, or the desire to tax my psyche enough to cobble together anything resembling a coherent rant. Not that I really have much of anything of value to say under the best of circumstances, of course, but since I have a 6am appointment, I REALLY don't feel like constructing a coherent argument...about anything. I'll leave the heavy lifting to the trolls at Little Green Footballs (find yer own damn link), who somehow manage to make Rush Limbaugh look like the epitome of reasoned, intellectual discourse.

Like it or not, instead of my usual healthy serving of brilliance and witty analysis, my contribution to the public dialogue this morning is yet another episode of what's essentially much ado about nothing...courtesy of Buzzfeed (all the news that's fit to wrap fish with). So, grab a cup of coffee and a barf bag and strap yourself in. This could get...well, interesting might be an overstatement, but it's about as close as your going to get 'round these parts this morning. Mazel tov, y'all....

How Big Is Your Twitter E-Penis?: Yes, you read that correctly. Now that it's been definitively demonstrated that you can use the word "Twitter" and "penis" (or a variation thereof) in the same sentence, has Twitter finally jumped the shark? And is having a bigger e-penis REALLY a good thing? Or is girth more important? Feel free to chime in, ladies! BTW, my Twitter (yuppieskum) e-penis is 8 cm long. I know; the last time I saw something that small, it had an eraser on the end of it....

Jesus Has Touched Me....: No vaguely homoerotic overtones, here, eh? OK, Jennifer...using this doll, can you show the officer where the Savior touched you? And no, it wasn't your fault, dear. He apparently does this sort of thing to a LOT of children. Sick bastard....

The 10 Most Horrific Russian Torture Devices: Surprisingly, listening to a Vladimir Putin speech didn't make the list...which only really means that the ten items that did make the list must be truly horrific. Yes, Soviet Russia couldn't get it's $#!& together to save it's life, but they cetainly had a knack for figuring out how to inflict intense pain and suffering. And you wonder where Dick Cheney got his best ideas....

Muff Diving Club: Yeah, yeah, I know...but it's not what you might be thinking. And perhaps you might be well advised to get your mind out of the gutter, knowhutimean? We're actually talking about an Irish scuba diving club...though I'd be lying if I didn't admit to liking the American translation more.... ;-)

Chinese Sperm Bank (Totally NSFW): You know, there are American men who'd pay good money for this sort of thing. Yet in Shanghai, you can get the same service, feel as if you're making a contribution (no pun intended)...AND get paid for it. Hey, $30 is $30, no? Never mind the fact that you get to leave with a smile on your face. Man, I'm in the wrong damn line of work....

27 Slutty Prom Dresses [GALLERY]: As if worrying about what your 16-year-old daughter will be doing (and to whom) on prom night isn't enough to drive you to drink, now you have to wonder if she's going to pitch a fit if you don't allow her to wear one of these tramp-o-riffic dresses. Yep, nothing quite says "You bet I'm giving it up on prom night!!" quite like one of these fashion disasters, eh? Off to a convent with her, already....

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on April 1, 2009 4:57 AM.

Is he, or is he not, the Black Angel of Death?? was the previous entry in this blog.

What? Obama hasn't fixed the economy yet?? is the next entry in this blog.

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