1,500 farmers commit mass suicide in India: Sadly, someone forgot to call the Guinness Book of World Records beforehand.
Use Condoms or Make Hitler: Always use protection...or run the risk of bring unspeakable evil into the world. Wow...who needs a cold shower?
French frigate seizes Somali pirates: 1799 called. They want their doubloons back.
Bankruptcies Surge Despite Law Meant To Curb Them: Yeah, THAT worked out well, eh??
Lightsaber Underwear Fight: Hot girls dueling it out with lightsabers, sabering each other's clothes off. OK, so you've got my undivided attention....
Palin Accused Of "Prioritizing Her National Image" By Alaska GOP Leader: Looks like someone's outgrown Alaska....
GOP Concludes It Can't Win Close Races Without Court Intervention And Gaming Vote-Counting Process: A win is a win is a win...and when you're a Republican, winning isn't everything. It's the ONLY thing.
ESL cop is laid off minutes after being heralded: Nice job. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. 'KTHNXBYE!!
Where Were the Teabag Protests 8 Years Ago?: Well, Republicans were in power. What...like they're going to break message discipline by asking uncomfortable questions?
In state's Guard pay, an ironic disparity: We're from the government, and we're here to...oh, never mind....
Richard Armitage On Torture: I Should Have Resigned From Bush Administration: No, you should have committed seppuku. It would have been the decent thing to do.
Woman accused of faking kidnapping, blow-torching son: Ladies and gentleman, start your Mother of the Year nominations!!