2009 Masturbation Champion: Despite what y'all might be thinking, I was NOT invited to this year's competition in San Franciscso. Sadly, I was on the disabled list....
PHOTOS: Cher Dons Sheer Black Bodysuit: OK, but she's 206 years old...is this something that America REALLY needs to see?
White House Czar Calls for End to 'War on Drugs': Really, isn't about time we stopped wasting money and resources on something that has shown so little in the way of results?
PHOTOS, POLL: Black Tie Blunder? Obama Wears Long Tie To Correspondents' Dinner: Oh, the humanity!! A fashion faux pas looking for a place to happen? Who (&^%$#@ cares??
Senate Rejects Limit On Credit-Card Interest Rates: The US Senate: the best representation money can buy? And what's all this crap about "the People's Business"?? Since when is taking care of the American Sheeple been anything the Senate has ever cared about?
Obama Weighs Indefinite Detention Of Terror Suspects On U.S. Soil: How 'bout we stash them in Nebraska? No one will EVER know....
"Daily Show" Goes To ASU To Find Out Why They Snubbed Obama: Why work hard to expose someone's world-class arrogance and ignorance, when you can stick a microphone in their faces and let them do it themselves? If Arizona State University is a top-notch school, I'm the freakin' Queen of England.
Chris Matthews On Palin's Book Deal: "What An Embarrassment": Never has so much been paid to someone with so little to say. Welcome to the dumbing down of the Republican Party, eh?
DIY Home Burials Might Be The Next Big Trend: That would explain why we buried Uncle Eddie under the deck in the back yard.
Doomed Plane's First Officer Paid Only $16,000 To $20,000 A Year: And in her spare time she moonlighted as a short-order cook and a pole dancer at Mel's Diner in Buffalo. Hey, a girl's gotta pay the bills....
