Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there.
- David Zucker
For a long time now, I've tried to get a handle on some of the seemingly inexplicable things I do. Without going into detail, I can think of numerous occasions when I've said and/or done things that make no sense, nor am I able to explain what or why. I had no idea why things like this could happen, nor did I have any clue as to what would drive me to that point. I've always chalked it up to insecurity, immaturity, impulsiveness...or combinations of all the above. Never mind being chronically sleep-deprived....
I've had memory issues for years. Not knowing any other explanation, I've always chalked it up to absentmindedness or eccentricity. I envy people who can hear something once and have it committed to memory. It's not unusual for me to have to revisit the same information multiple times before I can actually begin to remember it. I forget things I've already told people, and because of this I end up repeating myself. As you might imagine this is hardly universally well-received, particularly in a relationship with someone who is able to hear something once and commit it to memory.
Well, I may still be weird, immature, eccentric, insecure, and impulsive, but at least now I know why I am this way. It seems I have Attention Deficit Disorder. Imagine my surprise; I didn't even know adults could be diagnosed with ADD. I'd always thought ADD was something that was present only in children. Boy, was I wrong.
ADD and the symptoms it manifests mirror so much of what's been happening in my life. I've always joked about having the attention span of a 12-year-old...but I never imagined that there was anything like ADD behind it. Having a diagnosis doesn't really change anything (or provide an easy out)...except that it gives me a starting point. I can research symptoms, coping strategies, and possible treatment options, and in so doing feel as if I have something resembling control.
Combine the ADD with my history of chronic sleep apnea, and suddenly things begin to make a bit more sense. Even so, I need to be careful not to use ADD as an excuse. It may provide a reason, a starting point that I can use to try to get a handle on some things, but it's not an excuse...for anything. What it does do is to help me provide a degree of context to aspects of my behavior that I simply haven't been able to understand.
The good news is that I'm in great company. There are a LOT of brilliant, accomplished, and highly creative sorts who have either been diagnosed with ADD or display the hallmarks of the disorder. I have much in common with Winston Churchill, Salvador Dali, George Bernard Shaw, Ernest Hemingway, and Robin Williams. While that and a quarter might get me a latte, it at least offers me some small degree of comfort. I've often wondered if being blessed with the creativity gene means that the tradeoff is being too (&^%$#@ weird for words.
I'm still trying to figure out what the next step is. Knowing and understanding the underlying cause is helpful and certainly comforting, but it does nothing to provide much in the way of solutions or coping strategies. That's going to take some work, but I've got nothing but time...right??
Stay tuned....
