August 18, 2009 5:49 AM

Where else but America...?

I'm on Skype with Orly Taitz, and from Israel the queen bee of the Birthers is telling me that Barack Obama had all his gay lovers rubbed out, Chicago-style. Well, that's not fair. Taitz isn't explicitly accusing Obama of clipping his boyfriends to shut them up. She just wants to make sure I know that a few homosexuals from Obama's church, oddly, mysteriously, ominously, wound up dead. "Now, I don't want to say that Obama did it," explains Orly, in her dense Moldovan accent. "I don't want to say that people close to Obama did it. But those are the facts.".... The gay murders are just one accusation in a bloody, Byzantine list as long as the Chicago white pages. And I have long since surrendered to Taitz's recitation of "facts," after feebly suggesting that the odds are long that the president is guilty of all these transgressions.... Over the course of our conversation, Taitz veered from tainted vaccines in Prague to Hugo Chavez and rigged elections to Larry Sinclair, the man who claimed he had sex and did coke in a limo with Obama.

Sometimes, when life gets me down and I feel the need to find something- ANYTHING- to relieve the tedium and make me laugh, I think of the two words guaranteed to make me snicker- Orly Taitz. No, it's not just the name, though Lord knows that's a comedy gold mine all by itself. Taitz skillfully takes bat-shit crazy from merely being a sideshow to being a full-fledged main attraction, the thing that takes over all other things and sucks the life out of a room. And she does this all while somehow believing as if we should- nay, MUST- take her seriously...for the very future of this great nation depends upon it.

Never mind that I detest and deplore virtually everything Taitz stands for. Forget that she makes Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Sean Hannity look like poster children for sanity. Don't even consider that Taitz really ought to be restrained and hooked up to a Thorazine IV. No, I appreciate Taitz for being that rarest of birds- real, committed, and as thoroughly, completely unbalanced as the day is long. Taitz' charm lies in her earnestness and her absolute conviction that she's found the truth. Not only does she not have an inkling of just how are "out there" she really is, she truly believes that she has the goods on Barack Obama.

Let no one doubt that Orly Taitz is a talented, formidable, and capable (if thoroughly unbalanced) woman. How many other sentient beings could list their occupation as "lawyer/dentist/real estate agent"? She's a dessert topping...and a floor wax!! I don't know how well Taitz can do any of these things, and the idea of her taking a drill to my mouth reminds me of a scene from "Marathon Man". I certainly wouldn't want her representing me in court if I was charged with anything more serious than using the wrong dessert spoon at dinner. And I wouldn't buy a cardboard box, much less a house, from her. Still, anyone that can keep that many balls in the air AND act like an extra from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" has got to have something going for her...right?

I could go through Taitz' greatest hits, but that seems so limiting. Anyone who can, for instance:

  • Insist, despite all evidence to the contrary, that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake,
  • Suggest that Hugo Chavez has been riggin our elections,
  • Claim that FactCheck.org is not to be trusted, AND
  • Put forward the notion that Google is involved in all of this....

....clearly has something going for her...something that would likely get most mere mortals committed to a state psychiatric facility.

Facts? Truth? Evidence? Well, I suppose if you're going to be a loser about it, you could insist on these things, but why take away Taitz' edge? And, sweet Jeebus, the woman can talk. It's truly awe-inspiring to listen to Taitz can careen from one specious argument to the next in world record time, facts and reality be damned.

The beautiful thing about Orly Taitz is that she's as real as death and taxes...and WAY more entertaining. Taitz absolutely and completely believes without reservation that she has discovered the truth about Barack Obama's nefarious plot to achieve total world domination. The only thing missing is the insistence that the Trilateral Commission and the Freemasons are somehow entangled in this whole mess...and who knows? Perhaps they are...because in Orly Taitz' world, Evil lurks...everywhere....and it probably looks a lot like George Soros, MoveOn.org, and/or the Human Rights Campaign.

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This page contains a single entry by Jack Cluth published on August 18, 2009 5:49 AM.

What? And you were expecting rational, sober reflection? was the previous entry in this blog.

If you think religion is...well, silly...then this one's for you is the next entry in this blog.

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