After struggling for months to come to grips with the (myraid and maddening) manifestations of my ADD, I've decided the time has come to address the situation more aggressively and decisively. Since counseling and hoping for the best clearly hasn't done the trick, I'm hoping that counseling and medication will get me headed in a more positive direction. As of Thursday, I'm on a regimen of Wellbutrin and Adderall, in the hope that I can stake out a more positive and peaceful emotional landscape. While I've had some (not inconsiderable) experience with depression medications before, I can tell that the Adderall is going to take some getting used. Adderall is an amphetamine, a stimulant, which (besides meaning that I'd fail an IOC drug test) can be an interesting thing for someone with ADD to deal with. ADD, for someone like me at least, is sometimes nothing but a constant search for stimulation. Being on a stimulant means that suddenly I'm seeing the world from a much different perspective. I almost feel...calm, though there's much more to it than that. At least I think that's what it is I'm feeling. It's not as if I have a whole lot of experience with anything approaching calmness and/or serenity...but I'm rather enjoying this feeling, whatever it may be.
Clearly, it's going to take some time to adapt to the medication, but along with the calmness, I feel almost manic (I'm not certain that makes any sense at all)...AND I LIKE IT. I suppose that, when you spend your life feeling scatterbrained and unfocused, anything that provides some focus is going to feel like a godsend. I gotta tell you, Adderall is my new best friend. I don't know that I've EVER felt that I could maintain focus on anything quite like this. That alone has done wonders for my frame of mind. it's as if having that building block in place has decreased the stress on other aspects of my life. I haven't actually tried this yet, but I feel as if I could seriously carry on a prolonged intellectual debate with someone without feeling outgunned and at a pronounced disadvantage. I don't feel stupid, which is something I've had to wrestle with my entire life.
Man, imagine what it's going to be like when I really get my $#!% together.... ;-)
