Are lap dances an effective therapy for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder or drug addiction? It doesn't seem like a question that should require a serious answer -- but a state investigation of Oregon's Mount Bachelor Academy (MBA) has substantiated allegations made by students and staff that such "therapy" was part of the school's "emotional growth" curriculum and forced an emergency shutdown of the campus....
In the few short months since being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, I've struggled with many aspects of my ADD. Recently, I've managed to find a combination of medications that seems to have hit the sweet spot. I'm still impulsive, disorganized, and unable to organize my thoughts enough to carry on a debate for any length of time, but then again I was never told about "Lap Dance Therapy". Hey, if it works for children....
Well, actually it doesn't work for children, of course, and I certainly don't mean to make light of what seems as if it was a very traumatic situation for the children involved. I'd imagine that from their perspective this felt like nothing if not abusive and disrespectful. Nonetheless, for adults this sort of treatment would seem to show some promise. Even if it doesn't, it would certainly save the expense and stigma of going to a strip club. I do have some questions, though? Can this therapy be done in the privacy of my own home or do I have to go to a specialized clinic? Do I need to have a stripper pole installed? Can "Lap Dance Therapy" be performed by anyone? Or do you need years of specialized training? Do I need to provide the knee pads?
The more I think about it, the more this treatment seems to show some real promise. I can hardly wait to see if it works for me. (Ask your doctor if "Lap Dance Therapy" is right for you. Side effects include delusions of grandeur, nocturnal emissions, and furry palms. Stop "Lap Dance Therapy" and call your doctor immediately if you experience an erection that lasts for more than four hours. Manual treatment modalities may cause you to go blind. Some patients may require close supervision and stimulation by a trained nurse.)
Next time I see my doctor, I'm really going to have to ask for an explanation of why this treatment option was never presented to me. And I can't help but wonder what other treatment options haven't been presented to me? Then again, there's always the question of whether or not my health insurance plan will cover "Lap Dance Therapy".
Hey, Doc...could "Lap Dance Therapy" be right for me??
