....Fox reporter jokes about deadly volcano ash in the Philippines: 'In a way, they're having a white Christmas.'. Ah, there's nothing quite like having a few good yuks about the suffering of other, lesser mortals, eh??
....The Fakest Celebrities Of 2009. Thank God I managed to stay off this list again this year...but I hear I'm still in the running for People magazine's "Sexiest Man in the World".
....Tila Tequila: I'm Pregnant. No doubt with the spawn of Satan....
....Girl Talk: I'm A Stripper For The Holidays. Yeah, when the holidays roll around, the first thing I'm thinking is, "Where can I go to see me some titties??"
....Terrible Ideas For Secret Santa Gifts. Stay away from the hot dog bun stuffed with cat food and topped with ketchup. It's already been tried...and it apparently didn't go over too well.
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....Welsh Rugby Star: 'I'm Gay'. Go ahead...just try calling him "queer" and see if you don't end up with your anterior forcibly (and deservedly) deposited in your posterior.
....Vatican congratulates 'Simpsons' on 20th anniversary. Me thinks that mayhaps the reports of the demise of irony were just a wee bit premature, don'tchathink??
....Board OKs expansion of Calif. toxic waste facility. Birth defects? We ain't got no stinkin's birth defects!
....Company Forecloses On Wrong Condo, Throws Out Everything. Oops...our bad. Here's $5000...now please shut up and go away.
....Valley Of Viagra And Vengeance: Did Septuagenarian Sex For Pay At Edinburg Adult Day-Care Lead To Two Deaths?. Good Lord...now I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day trying to purge this image from my mind....
