Hey, don't worry...I'm not an ordained minister of anything...but now that I've got your attention.... ;-)
I've had a few days of vacation (and a few days of being down with the flu), and if nothing else, I've been able to used the time to come to grips with some things. Down time is good for that, I suppose, and Lord knows I've needed it for awhile. So what has Jack discovered with the benefit of some concentrated "Me" time? Well, funny you should ask....
Sometimes, what I think I have isn't anything close to what I actually DO have. Sometimes no matter how hard I try, things just don't work. That sucks, and it hurts like Hell, and part of me would do whatever I can to change that reality...but thing about reality is that it just IS. Wanting it to be different will not make it so.
I deserve better. Of course, merely stating that won't make it come true, but no journey begins without recognizing the necessity of taking that first step, eh?
No matter how much you give, there are people who will be upset that you didn't give them more. There are givers and there are takers. The best you can hope for is to find someone who can balance those two poles and create something healthy. If not, you'd best be prepared hightail it out of Dodge before things get to be dangerously unhealthy.
We all love on our own terms. People don't generally change who they are, so ignoring the reality that someone's terms are distasteful is hardly a recipe for success.
Things change, and sometimes so quickly it leaves my head spinning. Nothing quite like shifting into reverse when you're flying down the fast lane at 70 MPH, eh?
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to walk away on your own terms. It sucks, and it hurts, but there you have it. Life involves risk, and if you risk nothing can rest assured that you'll end up with nothing. Life is hard; wear a helmet if you must.
Getting knocked down only means that you now have an opportunity to get up, brush yourself off, and get back in the game. Or you can retreat to the safety of the sidelines. Bruises, no matter how painful and ugly, do heal. Diving in headfirst may be a helluva risk, but there just might be something prety amazing waiting on the other side.
Generosity, for some recipients, only creates a demand for more generosity. Sometimes, enough never is. Being generous and giving of myself is a wonderful thing...when I choose to do it. When it becomes expected of me, my willingness to open up goes by the boards. Appreciate my willingness to WILLINGLY give of myself...or go find someone willing to grant your every wish.
Communication is a good thing. No real need to expand on that one, is there?
No matter how hard you try, sometimes things just don't travel the path you wish they would. Reality doesn't do well with being ignored, and it WILL come back to bite you if you continue to ignore it.
People can be quick to judge and criticize, sometimes beyond all sense and reason. Seldom does their willingness to look in the mirror proceed at the same pace. Pity.
No one can make you feel bad without your permission. Certainly, you can choose to feel that way if you think it will do you some good, but pain is temporary. Happiness (or unhappiness) lies not in what happens to us, but in how we choose to think about what happens to us.
Things happen for a reason. The lesson may not be immediately evident, but if your heart remains open, you will eventually come to see, and hopefully understand, the reason.
Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, things just don't turn out the way I'd like them to. There's a fine line between trying and trying too hard...and now and again even I have to admit that trying harder won't make things better.
People, like they expectations they place upon you, aren't always fair and/or reasonable. When that happens, do I (Door #1) react with anger and malice...or do I (Door #2) bow to the inevitable, appreciate what I've had and what I've learned, and move on down the road? Being the very emotional person that I am, I'm trying very hard to head for Door #2 and not give in to the anger and emotion and grab for the handle to Door #1.
I choose to no longer see myself as a victim. Period.
Everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Eventually, we all get dragged out feet first. The challenge, then, is to accept the impermanent and the fleeting for what it is. Pain is temporary, injuries heal, and if we do it right, perhaps we might just come back even stronger.
So there you have it...and I still have five days left of my vacation. No, it hasn't been at all what I expected, but once again I have an opportunity to pick myself up after being knocked down. There will be no pity party, though I am very sad and hurt. Such is life, I suppose; do it right and sometimes you get bruised and banged up. It would be easy to feel sorry for myself, but I think I'd rather rest, heal, and see what opportunities lie ahead.
I'm tired of being angry and hurting. I'm tired of wishing things would change when I know in my heart that I'm the one who needs to change. I know what I deserve, and I know that there's no reason in the world why I shouldn't be able to have it.
I'm not about to go into details, but writing is therapy for me, and I certainly feel better than I did when I first started on this piece. 'Nuff said....
Stay tuned....
