Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
- Jerry Garcia
Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head.... Stumbled into the kitchen. Turned on the light and fumbled around for the coffee. And then it hit me....
Hey, guess what? I don't have to go to work this morning. Probably 'cuz I no longer have a job. Yeah, it's a bit disorienting after almost eight years of a very familiar routine, but therein lies the problem. The routine had become the problem, and a change was a-comin'. It had to be; I'd almost reached my breaking point. Working for someone who couldn't define leadership if it walked up and bit him on the ass will do that. 'Course, I'd be dishonest if I didn't fess up to my part in this fiasco. I've always had a contentious relationship with authority, particularly if it's authority I don't respect. There are times when I'm my own worst enemy...and this is arguably one of those times. Yes, the divorce was messy but ultimately necessary, and my manager is likely as glad to be rid of me as I am of him. We both deserve better. The good news, though, is that I'm a free man, and while the prospect of being sans employment in a state with 12% unemployment isn't exactly comforting....
Yeah, things could be worse...if only because they have been for me.
It's an odd feeling to wake up and realize that the routine I've become accustomed to over the past eight years has gone the way of the buffalo. Coming to grips with that has forced me to admit to myself just how much I'd come to hate my situation. Stepping back has also helped me to recognize (as has already been pointed out to me by someone whose opinion I greatly respect) just how toxic the culture was, and how little I'm going to miss it. I'll miss a lot of the people I worked with, if not the people I worked for. I worked with some truly quality, fun, and enjoyable people. I worked for a collection of people who, while likable enough on a personal level, on a professional level were more role players than people.
Yeah, I know; I can be a bit rebellious, and I've also had a rather contentious relationship with authority. No one ever has or ever will of having a personality conducive to being successful in a corporate environment. Man, I feel like I just lost 50 lb....
There's something surreal, and in my case, comical, about being forced marched out of the building and into the parking lot. I'd thought I was doing the right thing by providing two months' notice. Instead, I was providing ammunition to someone willing to use it against me and can me right then and there. I was willing to facilitate the divorce with at least a measure of class and dignity. Perhaps my mistake was expecting that in return. I suppose I could justifiably be at least a wee bit bitter, but instead I find myself laughing...and thankful I don't have to play out those last two months.
Going forward, I'll be facing some challenges. Being unemployed means I'm going to have to do some reaching out. I've always been pretty self-contained, and I'm not very good at networking. Oh, if I put my mind to it, I know that I can talk to anyone about just about anything, and I can hold my own in social situations. It's just that I don't particularly enjoy it. The challenge for me from here on out is to lose the fear and the inferiority complex that can and too often does hold me back. I know that if the roles were reversed and someone came to me for advice, I'd be flattered that someone felt that I had anything even remotely resembling expertise to offer. Now that I'm in a place where I'm in need of some expertise and advice, I need to understand and remember that most people are happy to give both...if you ask. I need to be willing (and able) to ask.
This is something I should have been doing for myself a LONG time ago...and I'd finally recognized that the time had come to take some positive steps. Even though this all came down in a way that somewhat surprised me, in the long run I think this is for the best. I was tired of working for a manager I couldn't respect, and more than anything I need to take care of Jack. And so that's what I plan on doing.
I'm not going to sugar coat my situation, nor should anyone think I'm being cavalier. Being unemployed in the worst economy in my lifetime in a state with 12% unemployment doesn't exactly inspire boundless optimism and confidence. There is, however, enough optimism, confidence...and courage...to make this a risk worth taking. I'm scared, optimistic, and excited all at the same time. All in all, I'm in a good place, and so I'm going to look at this as an opportunity instead of seeing it as a setback. After all, I turned in my notice, and then my manager decided to quit me before I quit him. I'd already decided what I needed to do; now I just get to do it two months sooner.
I appreciate the kind words of support I've received from many quarters, but rest assured that NO ONE needs to be feeling sorry for me. I don't know what the outcome of this process will be, but I will come out of in better shape and in a far better situation. Then again, if anyone truly is feeling sorry for me, you could help hook me up with someone who's looking to hire a writer or line me up with some freelance work. ;-)
If you need me, I'll be working from home today....
Hmm...I wonder who's on "The View" this morning??
