You know who you are, you probably won't read this anyway, but I left some things unsaid when we parted. Now, for my own peace of mind, I'm going to get some of these things off my chest.
There are things I'm angry and hurt about, but there are also many things I'm grateful for. Rather than drag myself down by focusing on the ugliness, I want to devote these reflections to the things I've gained by knowing you. There's been enough negative energy in my life; my choice is to leave that behind and focus on the things that have brought positive energy, transformation, and happiness into my life. That there's been a lot of positive energy, transformation, AND happiness in my life is something I continue to marvel at, if only because those things have been conspicuous by their absence for so long.
In the time we were together, you forced me to confront myself and recognize so many of the things that held me back and kept me from being the person I can and should be. It's not that you told me things that no one else ever did, but for some reason I was willing to not only listen to you, but to HEAR what you were trying to tell me. It's wasn't always easy to hear, and some of it was actually quite painful, but because of that I've managed to do the hard work of becoming a more genuine and authentic person. I'm closer to being the "real Jack" than I ever have been, and I have you to thank for being willing to hold that mirror up to me.
I'm finally recognizing that I'm a good person, and I have a lot of things going for me. I've got a lot to offer. I wish I could have figured this out sooner, and getting to where I am hasn't exactly been a straight line, but I can say truthfully that I LIKE myself. As silly as that may seem, I've never been able to honestly say that about myself. For the first time in my life, I can look in the mirror knowing that I like what I see. I'm comfortable with myself. I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be comfortable in my own skin, and I finally feel as if I'm there. Sure, it's still a work in progress, but I'm pretty OK with who I am. When I sit down and honestly evaluate what I have going for me, it's gratifying to recognize that the list is pretty long...and growing. That's not arrogance; that's the simple honest truth...and no one can take that away from me.
I've always believed that things happen for a reason, and that people come into our lives for reasons we may not recognize or understand. Perhaps the reason for you being in my life was to help me to learn how to love myself and to recognize all the good things I have to offer this world. I couldn't do that before your came along, but through your love, caring, and patience, I've managed to break through to a place where I see nothing but possibility. I know what I deserve, and I know that the only person who can stop me from finding that is myself. I'm done being my own worst enemy. I'm done seeing peril instead of possibility. I'm done holding myself back. I'm done settling for less because I think that's the best I can do. I'm done settling for relationships that aren't healthy. I'm done not feeling worthy...because I absolutely am worthy.
As I move forward to experience whatever it is that this world has in store for me, I'm grateful for the time that you were part of my life. No, it wasn't always easy, and at times it wasn't even much fun, but I can't argue with the results. I'm a better, more authentic, and much happier person for having known you...and that's why it's hard for me to stay angry with you over things that seem petty in comparison. Wherever you go and whatever you may do, you will always have a part of my heart, because without you I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be the person I am, nor would I be able to live and love as I now know I'm capable. You may no longer be here, but you will always be here...and for that I will be forever grateful. More than you could possibly know.
I hope that somewhere along the way I was able to help you with some of your challenges. I know that I'm a rich man for having known you; I can only hope that I was able to assist you in some of the same ways you enriched me.
You can't always get what you want...but sometimes, you just might find that you get what you need. I now feel as if I can live and love in a way that's an honest and real reflection of who I am. I needed that. It wasn't easy getting here, and I am and will remain a work in progress, but I'm a better, richer, and more whole person or having gone through all of it.
Thank you...from the bottom of my heart.
