Staring out into the wild blue yonder
So many thoughts to sit and ponder
About life, love, and the lack of
And this emptiness in my heart
Too old to be wild and free still
Too young to be over the hill
Should try to grow up but who knows where to start
- Kenny Chesney, Beer in Mexico
Having a good deal of free time as I do these days, it's easy to spend that time pondering how I got here. No, it's not about feeling sorry for myself, but sometimes I do marvel at the journey that's led me to where I am. What a long, strange trip it's been...but I've found myself in a place that feels good. For the first time in my life, I'm not scared. Part of me feels as if I should be; after all, I just lost my job in a state with 12% unemployment and in the worst recession in my lifetime. It would be easy, and probably justifiable, to feel at least somewhat panicky. I'll admit to experiencing pangs of uncertainty, which I'd suspect is pretty normal under the circumstances. Even so, I find myself seeing possibility instead of peril, which gives me a sense of peace and purpose that I'd never thought possible. I don't know what things will look like down the road...but I do recognize that I'm the one drawing the map.
I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to think the time is right to begin considering where to go from here. Initially, I wanted to give myself a few days to decompress, and I figured that once I got through that, I'd be wanting to get started...and here I am. What I want to be able to do is to see if I can figure out how to be able to support myself by freelancing. Not the easiest thing to achieve, I know, but there are people who do it successfully, and I think I have the chops to do it. I'm going to be soliciting ideas and suggestions from wherever they might emerge...so feel free to email me should you have any wisdom to impart. I'm willing to talk to or ask questions of anyone if they think they can help and they're willing to share. Part of my challenge is to be more open to recognizing that my success depends in large part on those people I allow into my life. I've always been pretty skilled at doing my impression of an island, but getting to where I want to be will require allowing myself to be open to people and possibilities.
The only thing I truly am certain of now is that I don't know what I don't know...and so I need to begin asking. I need to be able to embrace and trust the process and know that, if I can do this, I might just be able to do some pretty amazing things.
I'm ready. Bring it on....
