Hailey Glassman discussed Jon’s manhood with Steppin’ Out magazine, saying “he’s hung like a nine-year-old boy.” Kate Major later weighed in and said that she and Hailey bonded over his small penis.
Let me start by stating for the record that I could care less about Jon Gosselin. I’ve never seen his TV show or his horribly over-exposed, allegedly neurotic ex-wife, Kate. The only reason I know that they have eight children is because of the impossible-to-miss wall-to-wall press coverage over their divorce and all the associated drama. Yawn….
Despite my profound indifference, I’m in Jon’s Gosselin’s corner in one aspect. No man should have to stand idly by while the size (or lack thereof) of his Johnson is bantered about da Interweb as if it’s information critical to the survival of the Republic. OK, so two of his former girlfriends can attest that Gosselin is hung like a third-grader (kind of a creepy analogy if you allow ourself to think about it…which I’m not about to do). Gosselin is damned if he does…and damned if he doesn’t. Any response he provides will only fan the flames of silliness, further inflaming this non-issue and exponentially increasing the interest of the tabloid media. Ignoring it will only look as if he’s afraid to address his shortcomings. Gosselin’s only hope would seem to be TMZ posting footage of Diane Sawyer blowing Roger Ailes at high noon in the middle of Times Square. Good luck with that….
Given that this is the Internet we’re talking about here, guess what crossed my path, despite the fact that I wasn’t looking for it? Yep, a NSFW work picture of Gosselin’s little friend…and “little” is unfortunately the appropriate description. This, if it is in fact Gosselin’s, is where I part ways in terms of offering sympathy. Dude, you allowed someone to take a picture of your miniature member as you held a ruler up to it? WTF?? Nothing quite like participating in your own humilation, eh??
Hey, man…if you need me I’ll be playing Russian Roulette in the bathtub. Otherwise, I’d be spending the entire day trying to scrub that image from my memory bank. Ugh….
(P.S.- how do two women “bond” over a small penis?? That sounds like a plot for a porn film. Lesbians Ahoy!!)
